- [Tim tries to conduct Tool Time without jokes, after Randy calls him a clown]
- Al: Oh, I see. That wasn't in the plans either. While this buzzer sends thousands of volts coursing through my body while he stands back and says, "Remember the AL-amo". Then comes the uncalled for slams against my mother. How she shops in the *husky* section. How she cleared out the all-you-can-eat buffet. Just go ahead say it...
- [shouting]
- Al: ...my mother is a big fat cow.
- Tim: [after pause] Goodness gracious, Al.
- Wilson: Parents are the bone on which children sharpen their teeth. What I'm saying is that when a boy is young, he worships his father and in order for the boy to become a man, he's got to see his father as a fallible human being and stop seeing him as a god.
- [Later]
- Tim: Where's Randy? I got to talk to him. I just found out I'm not God.
- Jill: Oh Tim, I'm so sorry.
- Tim: [to Randy] I know what's going on here. You're at the point in your life where you have to clean your teeth on my bones.
- Jill: Mom called me a nickname and she always called me this nickname. She said it when I was 14, we just moved to a new place and she said it right in front of all my new friends. I was so mad at her. The mean things I called her.
- Tim: Never mind what you called her, what did she call you?
- Jill: Oh right, like I'm really gonna tell you. You have to swear that you won't breathe a word of it to anyone.
- Tim: Cross my heart and hope to die. Hope a wrench hits me right in the eye.
- Jill: Jilly Dilly.
- [Tim laughs]
- Jill: I don't want to hear that name in this house ever again.
- Tim: I may have to say it on Tool Time.