How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)
The Slutty Pumpkin (2005)
Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson
Photos
Quotes
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Ted Mosby : [to someone in a big penguin costume] Excuse me? This is going to sound crazy, but... I met someone on this roof four years ago, and they mixed that cocktail, and they loved penguins... by any chance, was that you?
[the penguin seems to smile]
Ted Mosby : It's you. Everyone thought I was crazy, but...
[the penguin unmasks to reveal Barney underneath]
Barney : You are such a LOSER.
Ted Mosby : Arrgh!
Barney : Come on, I came back for you, Ted. I penguin-suited up to show you the error of your ways. And to score Hula Girl's number. Check and check.
Ted Mosby : Unbelievable.
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Barney : Okay, here's the plan, and I crap you not. I am getting us into the Victoria's Secret Halloween party. Trust me, by the end of the night, your chad will not be hanging.
Ted Mosby : We can get rejected by supermodels any day of the year. Tonight, I'm gonna go up tp the roof, I'm gonna have a few beers, I'm gonna wait for the slutty pumpkin. It's just what I do.
Barney : [weighing the options on his hand] Hmm.
[left hand]
Barney : Victoria's Secret models prancing around in bras and panties, or
[right hand]
Barney : Yale preppies reuniting their stupid acapella group.
[pretends to hear his left hand say something]
Barney : What's that, left hand? Right hand sucks? Word.
Ted Mosby : I'm heading up to the roof.
Barney : [to his hands] Well, boys, looks like it's just you and me.
[pretending to hear his hand talk again]
Barney : What's that? Self-five? Nice.
[gives himself a high five]
Barney : We out!
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Barney : You know what I love about Halloween? It's the one night of the year chicks use to unleash their inner ho-bag. If a girl dresses up as a witch, she's a slutty witch. If she's a cat, she's a slutty cat. If she's a nurse...
Lily Aldrin : Wow, we get it.
Barney : ...she's a slutty nurse.
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Barney : Flight-suit up!
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Barney : Okay, I'm leaving. But just know, this Victoria's Secret party is on a yacht! And what will be sticking to that yacht? The Barnicle!
Ted Mosby : Really? That's the nickname now?
Barney : Yeah, the Barnicle!
Ted Mosby : Barnicle Barney?
Barney : That's it.
[awkward pause]
Barney : Barnicle out!
[leaves]
Ted Mosby : Have fun, Barnicle.
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Ted Mosby : [seeing Barney in a devil costume] Barney? What, you're back?
Barney : That's right.
Ted Mosby : In a totally new costume.
Barney : Every Halloween I bring a spare costume. In case I strike out with the hottest girl at the party. That way I have a second chance to make a first impression.
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[Barney is still dressed as a Devil]
Ted Mosby : I have to pee.
Barney : So go to the bathroom.
Ted Mosby : No, there's a huge line, and I don't wanna miss the Slutty Pumpkin.
Barney : So pee off the roof. Ooh! Ted. Pee off the roof.
[some guy dressed as an angel turns around]
Angel : Woah. I wouldn't do that if I were you, there's people walking down there.
Barney : Come on, Ted. Who you gonna listen to? Me or Mr. goodie-goodie over there?
Angel : Yeah, whatever, you guys got some weed?
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[in a devil costume, talking to the hula dancer girl]
Barney : Let me guess, every guy has used the "laid" line on you tonight, huh?
Hula Dancer : You wouldn't believe.
Barney : I apologize for my gender. Let me make it up to you, make you a drink.
Hula Dancer : You certainly are a charming devil.
Barney : I'm also a *horny* devil... Yeah.
Hula Dancer : No.
[walks away]
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Barney : Okay, Victoria's Secret party, right now.
Ted Mosby : Nope.
Barney : Come on, I can't stand watching my delusional friend waste another precious Halloween! Ted, the slutty pumpkin is not coming!
Ted Mosby : She *might*.
Barney : Oy...
Ted Mosby : Come on, Barney, this is not about the odds! It's about believing! This girl, she... she represents something to me, I don't know... hope.
Barney : Wow. I did not understand a word you just said.
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Hula Dancer : [seeing that Barney is the penguin] Wait a minute. You're that lame army guy!
Barney : What? No, no, that's some other guy. And he was a kick-ass fighter pilot.
Hula Dancer : I cannot believe I gave you my number.
Barney : Yeah, well, you did. Thanks.
Hula Dancer : Yeah, well, give it back.
Barney : Well, uh, I don't think so, I earned it, fair and square. I'm calling you.
Hula Dancer : But I'm never going to go out with you!
Barney : But how will you know it's me. I'm a master of disguise!... Yeah.
[Hula Dancer walks away exasperated]
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Barney : I'm flippering you off.
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Barney : Your ego's writing checks your body can't cash.
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Barney : What's that left hand? Right hand suck? Word!
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Barney : I penguin-suited up to show you the error of your ways.