I'm Alan Partridge (TV Series)

The Talented Mr. Alan (2002)

Felicity Montagu: Lynn Benfield

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lynn Benfield : Do you need me to be there?

  Alan Partridge : I don't need you anywhere. I'd like you to be there.

• Alan Partridge : [wearing a builder's hard hat with 'BOSS' written on it]  Even though it is amusing, there is a serious reason why I'm wearing this, Lynn. Insurance. And no offence, Lynn...

  Lynn Benfield : Oh, none taken.

  Alan Partridge : You don't know what I'm going to say. Wait til I've said what I'm going to say before you decide not to take offence. You see, no offence, Lynn, but your life is technically not worth insuring.

• Alan Partridge : OK, Lynn, what do you think of the polo neck? Balls out of the bath on this one.

  Lynn Benfield : I think it's rather snazzy.

  Alan Partridge : I think your hair's snazzy. Is that your mother's money coming through?

  Lynn Benfield : Yes.

  Alan Partridge : All part of the bereavement dividend.

  Lynn Benfield : Well, I had to change her sheets every day for 10 years.

  Alan Partridge : Yeah, I don't know how you managed it. She was a bit of a heffalump, God rest her soul. Yeah, she was a big woman. I'm tempted to say she was big-hearted but that would be bullshit.

• Lynn Benfield : Alan, there's that teacher chap!

  Alan Partridge : Michael, if he hits me, will you hit him first?

  Michael : No, he's a customer, I cannet hit customers. I've been told. Er, I'll go get some stock.

  [he goes into the back room of the shop] 

  Alan Partridge : Yeah, chicken stock!

• Alan Partridge : [takes a bite of a microwaved apple turnover]  AAARGH! Jesus! God! How long did you put this in for, Lynn?

  Lynn Benfield : Eight minutes.

  Alan Partridge : It's hotter than the sun!