- Jack Gallo: Looks may help on the trivial stuff, but on the important stuff, uh-uh.
- Dennis Finch: No, that's when a little thing called nepotism kicks in.
- Maya Gallo: You bought that?
- Jack Gallo: Don't be so surprised. I'm going to be a hands-on dad. Dennis, get someone from maintenance to bulid this.
- Maya Gallo: Wait. You know what would be more hands-on? Actually using your hands.
- Jack Gallo: Fine. I'll call maintenance.
- [after finding out Maya slept with Derek]
- Elliot DiMauro: So, look who fell off her high horse.
- Nina Van Horn: And climbed back up on a stallion.
- Elliot DiMauro: Does the word hypocrite mean anything to you?
- Dennis Finch: It certainly doesn't mean anything to Derek.
- Derek: Where are the menus? I'm hungrier than a triceratops, and they had two stomachs.
- Maya Gallo: Wow. You really know a lot about dinosaurs.
- Derek: Yeah. I learned everything I know about 'em from this *really* intense place mat.
- Maya Gallo: [nodes and smiles] Hmm...
- Derek: I also know all the state capitals - quiz me.
- Maya Gallo: [laughs] Oh, I don't know...
- Derek: Come on!
- Maya Gallo: All right; um, Alaska.
- Derek: [enthusiastically] Pass!
- Jack Gallo: Finally, it's finished. I'm done.
- Dennis Finch: Jack, a fax just came for you.
- Jack Gallo: Look at that, Dennis. With my own two hands, I built something that will give my daughter joy, and no one can take that away from me.
- Dennis Finch: Except for the people at the Consumer Safety Commission. Toy's been recalled.
- Jack Gallo: Whatever the hell for?
- Dennis Finch: Allow me to demonstrate.
- Dennis Finch: [picks up a piece from toy] I'm six to eighteen months old. Mmm, tasty, candy-like. I think I'll cram it down my esophagus.
- Neil: Hey, listen, if you're not busy later, I know this great restaurant in Little Italy and - actually, just north of Little Italy which, I guess, would make that Little Switzerland.
- Maya Gallo: Okay, that is really nice, but I kinda have this rule against dating people on the job. It's sort a journalistic-ethics sort of thing.
- Neil: Hey, I know where this is going, and I'm not gonna let you quit your job, all right? You're too good!
- [moves toward door]
- Neil: I'm just gonna walk out this door while you still have your dignity, all right?
- [puts finger to lips in mock "quiet" signal, exits]
- Maya Gallo: Great. So, I have you two going in for interviews at a telemarketing firm. Do you have your résumés?
- Derek: Here you go.
- [hands Maya a folded piece of paper from his pocket]
- Derek: I got rid of the modeling stuff like you asked me on the quote-unquote telephone.
- Maya Gallo: [reading] "Gap Store: Liaison between denim and cash register." And, I see you misspelled "denim," "liaison," and "register."
- Neil: Way to go with "cash," though.
- Maya Gallo: So, do you two have any questions?
- Neil: Uh, yeah: Which one of us is supposed to be the handsome guy?
- Derek: My agent told me that I was.
- Maya Gallo: Derek! Hi!
- Derek: I got the job!
- Maya Gallo: You did?
- Derek: You would have been so impressed: I got through the whole thing without even giggling!
- Jack Gallo: How did you get to be so cynical?
- Elliot DiMauro: Jack, do you think these woman's shins are too long?
- Jack Gallo: What a waste.
- Nina Van Horn: You know, I was quite the prankster. I remember when I was living with Twiggy, she really liked this particular kind of mint. One time while she was out buying some, I slept with her boyfriend. Actually, that was not so much a prank as a betrayal of our friendship.
- Maya Gallo: And you, Elliot. When was the last time you dated someone who was less than perfect?
- Elliot DiMauro: Rachel Drach.
- Maya Gallo: November's cover model?
- Elliot DiMauro: Her belly button was an outie.
- Jack Gallo: What a waste.
- Maya Gallo: It must be tough being a male model.
- Derek: Yeah. Why's that?
- Maya Gallo: Well, everyone's so quick to judge. I mean, just because you do one thing doesn't mean you can't do something else.
- Derek: I'm going to the bathroom. Time me!
- Maya Gallo: So, what do you want to talk about? Arts? Politics?
- Derek: How about politics?
- Maya Gallo: Yes, politics! I mean, no one would thing you would know about politics. You have ideas, I have ideas, we can have this back-and-forth...
- Derek: [squeezes Maya's nose] Honk!
- Maya Gallo: I have to break up with you.