- [C.J. and Zoe are teaching a seminar in trial procedure to a group of lawyers from the former Soviet bloc]
- Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: Goooood morning, communists! My name is C.J. Lamb. I'm your co-host, and the first thing about American law is LOUD! We jump up! We call each other names!
- Zoey Clemmons: [in C.J.'s hotel room at a law conference] C.J.! Get up! It's nine o'clock! We are in trouble! We were supposed to have an eight o'clock class setup. We have a mock trial before three California Supreme Court judges at 1:00 PM and our class knows nothing except how to get jailed for contempt.
- Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: Zoey, calm down.
- Zoey Clemmons: I can't calm down! What did you do last night?
- Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: It was hammer time. What could I do? We started home after midnight, but they played that "Wang Chung" song and we didn't get in 'til 5:00 AM.
- Zoey Clemmons: Great, you keep the class out dancing til dawn. Now, who the hell do we know to fake it in front of three California Supreme Court judges?
- Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: Me.
- Zoey Clemmons: What?
- Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: I'm from England. Nobody knows me here. I'll put on a suite, a wig, my best Polish accent, and you'll win the prize for best class.
- Zoey Clemmons: We can't do this. It's fraud, it's wrong, it's a lie!
- Cara Jean 'C.J.' Lamb: And we have no choice. Not only do our students not know anything, but they're also completely hung over.
- Zoey Clemmons: I am never taking you with me on another trip, ever!