- Mike Logan: You know, there's a lesson in this: never fall in love with an actress.
- Phil Cerreta: Rex Harrison said it. They never stop acting.
- Cobb: Your Honor, if it pleases the court...
- Judge Janis Silver: Mr. Cobb, you couldn't please this court if you danced an Irish jig on your fingertips.
- Mike Logan: Five years ago, she's 24, he's 39.
- Phil Cerreta: Yeah, well, May-December romance is not exactly unheard of.
- Mike Logan: Yeah, but December usually comes with Santa Claus.
- Mike Logan: [about the murder victim] Wearing a tux, not homeless. Nobody cared enough to miss him?
- Donald Cragen: Well, somebody cared enough to freeze him.
- Mike Logan: Leslie Hart, you're under arrest for the murder of Josh Foster.
- Leslie Hart: Is this some kind of joke?
- Phil Cerreta: A sketch for your new show.
- A.D.A. Paul Robinette: How long should this imaginary call take?
- E.A.D.A. Ben Stone: Oh, let 'em stew. Ten or fifteen minutes should do it.
- E.A.D.A. Ben Stone: Nothing is real to her. We're all just actors in her play. Foster didn't die; he just lef the stage.