Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (TV Series)

Sophomore Jinx (1999)

Christopher Meloni: Detective Elliot Stabler

Quotes 

• [Stabler catches his daughter sneaking into the house at two in the morning] 

  Elliot Stabler : Out, nothing, nobody. Those are your answers to me?

  Maureen Stabler : Uh-huh.

  Elliot Stabler : Fine. You're busted. You're grounded. Go to your room.

  Maureen Stabler : Wait, for how long?

  Elliot Stabler : Until I got some answers or you turn eighteen, whichever comes first.

• [the detectives are requiring a sperm sample from Couger and another young man] 

  Riley Couger : I can't do this.

  Elliot Stabler : You have a fight with your right hand? Sure you can.

• Abbot McCourt : These situations often come down to the student's word against that of a wellliked professor.

  Elliot Stabler : Sir, Ms. Gallagher is not speaking much these days.

  Abbot McCourt : I've had several discussions with Henri, and we've agreed that he will modify his behavior accordingly. You see, in our world...

  Elliot Stabler : In our world, Father, behavior modification means prison time.

  Abbot McCourt : For unwanted attention? Please.

  Elliot Stabler : Again, sir, we call it "stalking." Legally, "harassment two." If we find priors, it goes up to "menacing in the first degree."

  Abbot McCourt : Menace...? Well, that's in the eye of the beholder, isn't it?

  Elliot Stabler : No, Father. It's in the eye of the District Attorney.

• Olivia Benson : [searching for their murder weapon]  What if he pushes her down the stairs? This whole time, we've been assuming that the rock hit her.

  Elliot Stabler : Maybe she hit the rock.

• Elliot Stabler : [staring at the place where a body has been found that is covered in flowers and such]  Just once, I want to see people take a little bit of a breather before they let the healing begin. Look at this. 'Enrolled in God's college now. We love you, Jeanne.'

  Olivia Benson : Come on Elliot. It's a spontaneous outpouring of emotion.

  Elliot Stabler : I'm just saying, If ever go down, you better make sure the place where my body is found doesn't EVER look like this or I will haunt you for the rest of your days.

  Olivia Benson : Gotcha.