- Laura Ingalls: We're having a Bible quiz in Sunday School
- Charles Ingalls: I'll ask you a few questions to see if you can answer them. Where do they mention baseball in the Bible?
- Laura Ingalls: Baseball? I didn't know they played baseball in the Bible.
- Charles Ingalls: Mm hm. Very first line in the book of Genesis. In the big inning...
- Caroline Ingalls: [admonishing tone] Charles.
- Charles Ingalls: Let me try another one. Can you tell me what time of day God created Adam? Just before Eve.
- [Blank look]
- Charles Ingalls: Just before Eve...
- [Still silence]
- Charles Ingalls: I'm going outside to smoke my pipe.
- [They hold their laughter until after he leaves]
- Isaiah Edwards: Hansen was telling this story about a couple who were celebrating twenty-five years of wedlock. The wife... she was chatting on about the courtship and the wedding way back then. Finally, she turned to him and she said..."Horace, do you love me still?" He said, "My dear, that's the way I love you best."
- Laura Ingalls: I just want you to do me a favor. You have to pretend like you like me... like you're my beau.
- Willie Oleson: That's not a favor. That's a chore!
- Grace Snider: They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
- Isaiah Edwards: You must be collecting hearts the way Geronimo collected scalps. It's downright shameful!
- Grace Snider: Oh, I admit it! I have been shameful! Using poor, innocent Dr. Baker to make you jealous just so you'd break down and invite me to the spring dance. Well, if you're not gonna ask me, I'm going to have to ask you. Well? Yes or no?
- Isaiah Edwards: Never could resist your cherry pie.
- Isaiah Edwards: Ain't this a fine how do you do?
- Grace Snider: Isaiah, you're early!
- Isaiah Edwards: What, you got this worked out like a railroad time table? Easy eight o'clock, I roll in at nine?
- Dr. Hiram Baker: What the devil are you talking about?
- Isaiah Edwards: Oh, don't play innocent with me! I caught you two at dead rights!
- Grace Snider: He was just trying to get a piece of dust out of my eye
- [Doctor Baker ays the same thing at the same time]
- Isaiah Edwards: Well, maybe I should put something in your eye like a fist!