- Lt. Father Francis J. Mulcahy: [Walking up to Col. Blake's operating table in the O.R] Colonel?
- Lt. Col. Henry Blake: Yo!
- Lt. Father Francis J. Mulcahy: Are you busy?
- Lt. Col. Henry Blake: Not at all. I'm just trying to tell this man's fortune by reading his bowels.
- Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: [he and Trapper are wearing gorilla costumes and Frank has just asked them to operate on his hernia] Excuse me while I consult with my colleague.
- [He and Trapper leap about the Swamp acting and grunting like gorillas, then:]
- Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: We'll do it...
- [he throws a hairy arm around Trapper]
- Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: Me and the missus.
- Maj. Frank Burns: Did I tell you about the boxing?
- Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan: They didn't hit you?
- Maj. Frank Burns: No. They crated me in my sleep.
- Army Capt. "Trapper John" McIntyre: Get up, Frank. You've just been promoted from patient to doctor.
- [Hot Lips and Frank enter The Swamp to find Trapper and Hawkeye dressed in gorilla suits]
- Maj. Frank Burns: Pierce? McIntyre?
- Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: What is it, Frank?
- Maj. Frank Burns: Take off those masks!
- Maj. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan: Take off those suits!
- Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: We will if you will.
- Maj. Frank Burns: Where did you get those costumes?
- Army Capt. "Trapper John" McIntyre: What costumes?
- Maj. Frank Burns: The costumes you're wearing!
- Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: These aren't costumes. We stopped shaving last month.
- Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: [in his gorilla suit] Why do people always wait so long before they go to their gorilla?