Photos
Quotes
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Maj. Frank Burns : [Frank catches Hawkeye rummaging through his things] What are you doing there?
Hawkeye : Oh, I just wanted to borrow your Bible, Frank.
Maj. Frank Burns : Since when are you interested in the Bible?
Army Capt. 'Trapper John' McIntyre : I peeked at the end, Frank. The Devil did it.
Maj. Frank Burns : Shut up! Get off of there!
[grabs Hawkeye and pulls him down off the bed]
Hawkeye : Hey, don't get physical, Frank. You'll blow your sainthood.
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Maj. Frank Burns : Your conduct in there was not only unbecoming an officer, it was equally reprehensible as a medical man!
Hawkeye : Frank, I happen to be an officer only because I foolishly opened an invitation from President Truman to come to this costume party. And as for my ability as a doctor, if you seriously question that, I'm just gonna have to challenge you to a duel.
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Hawkeye : [General Hammond has put Hawkeye and Trapper under arrest] What's the charge, General?
Brig. Gen. Charlie Hammond : Breaking orders by having this party.
Lt. Col. Henry Blake : And handing out unauthorized passes!
[Takes the passes from Hawkeye]
Hawkeye : [Sees Frank, swathed in bandages, led in by Margaret; speaks mimicking Peter Lorre] Uuuuuh! The mummy strikes!
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Hawkeye : Aw, great, we screwed up in reverse.
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Hawkeye : Ya know we gotta do it someday. Invite all the jokers from the north and the south for a cocktail party... Last man standing on his feet at the end wins the war!
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Hawkeye : Henry, you have no idea what it's like sharing a tent with a guy who thinks he's all twelve disciples!
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[after literally kicking Maj. Burns out of The Swamp]
Hawkeye : I thought he'd never leave.
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Hawkeye : [to Hot Lips] Why don't you stop worrying about Elmer Gantry? Grab yourself a partner and give him a dancing physical.
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Brig. Gen. Charlie Hammond : [Seeing Margaret Houlihan, with whom he once had a relationship] Hot Lips!
Hawkeye , Army Capt. 'Trapper John' McIntyre : [Turning to each other] Hot Lips?
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Army Capt. 'Trapper John' McIntyre : Bad news from my wife. She still loves me. Would you believe this? She still thinks I got sent to Korea as part of some secret plot to cheat on her.
Hawkeye : Well, didn't you?
Army Capt. 'Trapper John' McIntyre : Yeah, but how did she figure it out.
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Army Capt. 'Trapper John' McIntyre : How are ya, Henry?
Hawkeye : How are ya, Henry?
Lt. Col. Henry Blake : That's not what you guys came to ask. I mean, the last thing you wanna know when you say, "How are you?" is how am I.
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Hawkeye : Hey, Ho-Jon, come here. I got a letter from Dean Lodge.
Army Capt. 'Trapper John' McIntyre : Is that a good place to stay?
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Hawkeye : Frank's gone over to the enemy. They offered his a hundred more dollars a week and a royalty on bedpans.
