- Angela Hartley: Don't raise your voice in my kitchen! I will not change my mind!
- Sam Tate: Oh, yes, you will, Angela. Only fools and the departed never change their minds.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: I have to ask these questions, Lady Hartley. And sometimes the most unlikely people do the most extraordinary things, don't they?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Sergeant, this is Midsomer, not the Met. Did they not teach you about the holy trinity up at Hendon? Three things required before you move from suspicion to conviction: motive, opportunity, and evidence. And the greatest of these three, my son, is evidence... .
- Cully Barnaby: I have an audition.
- Joyce Barnaby: Ah, that's great, Cully. What is it?
- Cully Barnaby: Oh, to play Hero.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Shouldn't that be 'heroine'?
- Cully Barnaby: No, Dad. Hero's a woman. Shakespeare. "Much Ado about Nothing."
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Let's hope this time it isn't.
- [last lines]
- [the radio announces Bantling Boy's win]
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Yes!
- Sergeant Dan Scott: Have you had a bet on, Sir?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: I have, Scott. I've made myself a nice little killing.
- Angela Hartley: I shall have to sell Bantling Hall to settle my husband's debts. It's been in the family 500 years. Devastating loss!
- DCI Tom Barnaby: More devastating than the loss of your son?
- Angela Hartley: Frankly, Inspector, yes.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: When did you last see Bruce Hartley?
- Dr Osgood: At Causton Races... French-kissing a bottle of champagne, a bit chateaued I'm afraid.
- Cully Barnaby: Dad... oh, hi, Major. Um, can I borrow your wallet for a second?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Why?
- Cully Barnaby: We're gonna put a bet on.
- Joyce Barnaby: Hi, Major.
- Major Dickson: Smile like a sunburst. That girl of yours hasn't changed since her pony club days.
- Angela Hartley: There's more bloodshed and treachery in the Bantling family, Inspector, than in all Shakespeare's plays put together.
- Sergeant Dan Scott: Makes you feel a bit queasy, sir.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Go on.
- Sergeant Dan Scott: Well, a little kid like that using his computer to turn murder into a game.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Oh Scott, when killing becomes entertainment we all lose touch with reality.
- Sergeant Dan Scott: [looking at the weapons mounted on the wall] Put a nasty dent in your skull.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: WMD, Scott. Weapons of medieval destruction.
- Peter Craxton: [to Barnaby about computer game violence] If all the killing in the world was only a game, nobody would ever be hurt, would they?
- Sergeant Dan Scott: You know, my uncle was a bookmaker.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Was he?
- Sergeant Dan Scott: Yeah.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: In the blood then, is it?
- Sergeant Dan Scott: Yeah. I used to carry a satchel for him at Kempton Park. Do the old tick-rock, 130, Burlington Bertie, all that stuff.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: What a sheltered life I've led.
- Sergeant Dan Scott: I'm sure you had your moments, sir.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Not at Kempton Park, I haven't.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: You can start with Trevor Machin, then.
- Sergeant Dan Scott: Where?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Where exactly did you meet him?
- Sergeant Dan Scott: At the Hammer and Pennant.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: The Hammer and Pennant, Scott? I thought you were supposed to be investigating car thefts.
- Sergeant Dan Scott: Well, I noticed that most of the car thefts took place in pub car parks, so I did a sort of tour.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: A forensic pub crawl, was it?
- Sergeant Dan Scott: Public house to house inquiries, sir?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: 30 pound bet, three to one. That's 90 pounds profit. And that means dinner at the Bon Chance restaurant; bottle of beau, steak au poivre...
- Joyce Barnaby: No. This money's going to charity; to Fallowfields.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: What? You mean you're gonna spend our winnings saving some nag from the glue pot?
- Joyce Barnaby: Yes.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: What a waste.
- Cully Barnaby: Fish and chips?