- [Barnaby joins Scott in the surveillance post]
- Sergeant Dan Scott: Why are you here sir?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: It's a generational thing, Scott. I've brought you some cake... and some coffee.
- Sergeant Dan Scott: Oh.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: I thought you might have grown a tad peckish.
- Sergeant Dan Scott: Thank you sir. I'm going to try and eat it before the relief turns up.
- [begins to eat]
- Sergeant Dan Scott: Did Mrs. Barnaby make this?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: [in a grave tone] Oh, I wouldn't do that to you, Scott.
- [Scott chuckles, and takes a big bite of cake]
- [DCI Tom Barnaby and Sergeant Dan Scott are stopped by a riverbank]
- DCI Tom Barnaby: How do we get across, Sergeant?
- Sergeant Dan Scott: Well, one of us is going to have to row, sir.
- [under his breath]
- Sergeant Dan Scott: And the smart money's on me.
- Philip Trent: Murder? Are you sure?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Well, I don't think he hit himself on the head, Mr Trent.
- [DCI Tom Barnaby and Sergeant Dan Scott set up a surveillance post in the Stevens' house]
- Mr Stevens: So, what's the form?
- Sergeant Dan Scott: Uh, well there'll be someone here, round the clock, starting this evening.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: I expect Sergeant Scott'll want to take the first watch.
- Sergeant Dan Scott: [dejectedly] Oh yes. Of course...
- [Barnaby and Scott are in Barnaby's Rover 75]
- Sergeant Dan Scott: Where are we going sir?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: To see Mr. Cooke with an "e".
- Sergeant Dan Scott: Oh, good!
- [cracks his knuckles]
- Sergeant Dan Scott: [Barnaby takes notice of what Scott has done, and pulls the car off the main road]
- Sergeant Dan Scott: What's wrong?
- [Barnaby stops the car, and sets the parking brake with authority]
- DCI Tom Barnaby: [speaks in a low, serious tone] Scott, there will be no violence on my watch.
- Sergeant Dan Scott: No, I was just, um...
- DCI Tom Barnaby: [cutting Scott off] None whatsoever.
- Sergeant Dan Scott: Yes sir.
- [DCI Tom Barnaby is at home, watching a confiscated pornographic videotape, when Joyce Barnaby enters]
- DCI Tom Barnaby: I think you're a bit young to be watching this.
- Joyce Barnaby: Where's this come from?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: This?... Um... Some oik is using this to blackmail one of our suspects. Suspect playing the lead.
- [Tom and Joyce Barnaby crane their necks in unison, following the on-screen action]
- Joyce Barnaby: Is that him?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: That's him.
- [They continue watching with rapt attention]
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Early night?
- [Joyce giggles]
- Cully Barnaby: Typical family day out, really. We arrive somewhere and ten minutes later a serious crime is committed. Exit the old man.
- Joyce Barnaby: I think he plans it that way.
- Philip Trent: Been any help, Inspector?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Oh, most things people tell us are of help, Mr Trent - even if they don't mean them to be.
- [first lines]
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Oh no. The world and his wife's here.
- Cully Barnaby: Kind of the idea, Dad. Couple of drinks, though, and you won't notice them.
- Joyce Barnaby: [referring to passing yacht] Now that's the sort of thing, Tom. Only maybe more old-fashioned and stylish.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Yeah, that'll be it. Your mother thinks I need to relax more; weekends on the river, our own boat perhaps.
- Cully Barnaby: It's a good idea. D'you know, there's loads for sale in the local paper.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Is this a conspiracy? In my job you get ten years for that.
- Dr Bullard: [indicating the corpse] I'm taking him back to the lab, Tom.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Any initial thoughts?
- Dr Bullard: Yes, he's dead!
- Cully Barnaby: Right, the home team. Furthest from us: Midsomer Rowing Club Veterans.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: [puts opera glasses to his eyes] They're not veterans! They're half our age! Joyce!
- Clare Bonavita: [discussing the victim, Guy Sweetman] You know, Guy really did live up to his surname. He was the sweetest man.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Well, whoever killed him disagreed with you.
- Clare Bonavita: You know, Guy really did live up to his surname. He was the sweetest man.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Well, whoever killed him disagreed with you.
- Clare Bonavita: Yes. Some irate husband or jealous boyfriend, no doubt.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Anyone particular in mind?
- Clare Bonavita: Well, no. Guy didn't so much play the field as the entire countryside.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Get a team to Morton Shallows. Search the whole length of the village. If there's any signs of struggle along the riverside, people who saw anything, the murder weapon...
- Sergeant Dan Scott: I do know the drill, sir.
- [Joyce Barnaby and Cully Barnaby are looking over the boats as they walk along the riverside]
- Joyce Barnaby: That one would be too modern for your father. He'll want brass and mahogany everywhere.
- [spies a decrepit old yacht]
- Joyce Barnaby: Like that one for example.
- Cully Barnaby: It's a bit tatty, mom.
- Joyce Barnaby: Oh... Nothing a coat of varnish won't cure!
- Philip Trent: Now look here, Inspector. Guy Sweetman was a friend of mine, a damn good one. But the last thing he'd want is for his death to get in the way of this regatta. We've got a hell of a program to get through.
- John Parkway: I think what he means, Inspector, is, well, like you, we have a duty to perform to the 4,000 or so people who've come for a day out.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Why should a piffling little murder get in the way of that?
- Philip Trent: Precisely. Murder? Are you sure?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Well, I don't think he hit himself on the head, Mr. Trent. Don't worry, you'll get your regatta back as soon as possible.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: This is my way of apologizing for yesterday. You don't mind if Scott joins us, do you? I'm trying to domesticate him.
- Joyce Barnaby: No, not at all.
- Hettie Trent: You think I had something to do with Guy's death!
- Philip Trent: Of course I don't!
- [pauses a moment]
- Philip Trent: Did you?
- Sergeant Dan Scott: Hettie Trent is also one of Guy Sweetman's, um, what's the posh word? Conquests?
- Philip Trent: Been any help, Inspector?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Oh, most things people tell us are of help, Mr. Trent. Even if they don't mean them to be.
- Philip Trent: Guy's private life was a most public affair, Inspector. Guy Sweetman was a serial philanderer. Swore that every woman he met was a new love of his life.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Clare Bonavita said that Sweetman lived up to his name. Pity Mrs. Sharpe does not live up to hers.
- Sergeant Dan Scott: Did your daughter have a thing with him?
- Philip Trent: Hettie? Why do you say that?
- Sergeant Dan Scott: Well, my boss out there would call it copper's nose. Old-fashioned, you see. I can't help it. Anyway, did she?
- Philip Trent: Well, yeah, I think there was some sort of - yeah.
- Sergeant Dan Scott: There you go then.