- DCI Tom Barnaby: Last I heard you were living the life of Riley down in Costa Blanca.
- Melvyn Stockard: Yeah, well, it's amazing what a triple bypass operation will do for a man's view of himself.
- Joyce Barnaby: [arriving at Stockard's house] Oh, Tom, if only you could afford all this. And the lovely senorita to go with it.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Now, behave.
- [last lines]
- Joyce Barnaby: Do you know I feel sorry for him. All this, and three beautiful women, who I'm sure he loves in his way.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: And to think, I only have two.
- Melvyn Stockard: With murder you start with motive and opportunity. Am I right, Tom?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: That is usually the way round of it, yeah, Melvyn.
- Melvyn Stockard: And in this village there is a person with an abundance of both, though it grieves me to say since he was about to become family.
- Julie Stockard: No! You can't just accuse him.
- Melvyn Stockard: I'm not accusing anyone, sweetheart. That's Barnaby's job. And the sooner he gets his skates on, the better for all concerned.
- Dr. Bullard: Odd for a man catching a flight not to be wearing a watch. Just a thought.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: It's a good one.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Oh, she brought him home, did she?
- Bubbles Stockard: Oh yes. We've all been out dancing.
- [chuckles]
- Bubbles Stockard: Of course, I know what Mel thinks. Farm trash. Where did he come from? Guttersnipe.
- [pause]
- Bubbles Stockard: How's he doing? Lording it, I'm told. You know, I'm trying to divorce the old swine and get some money out of him, but I can't get him on adultery. He's got medical certificates. Since his triple bypass, the poor old sod can't manage it.
- Melvyn Stockard: [to Barnaby after Robin Wooliscroft's body is raised from the well] Ding dong bell, Pussy's in the well, Who put him in? Little Tommy Flynn? Who pulled him out? Little Tommy Stout.
- Valerie Megson: What happened to you?
- Sean O'Connell: Me? I got run over by the local doctor. But I'm on the mend, they tell me, thanks to the selfsame gentleman.
- [first lines]
- Dr. Burgess: I'be outstayed my welcome.
- Francesca Ward: Not at all, Dr. Burgess.
- Dr. Burgess: Oh, please. Please call me Oliver.
- Francesca Ward: Good night, Oliver.
- Dr. Burgess: Senorita Francesca.
- [kisses her hand]
- Melvyn Stockard: Have you got kids?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Yes, a daughter. She's a picture, too.
- Melvyn Stockard: They break your heart, don't they?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Oh, you can say that I... I've been lucky so far.
- Melvyn Stockard: You give them everything and they break your bloody heart.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Melvyn, I've spoken to Bubbles.
- Melvyn Stockard: Oh, really?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties.
- Melvyn Stockard: Yeah, well, uh... there are many ways of pleasing a woman, Barnaby. Didn't you know?
- Julie Stockard: Daddy, what's the policeman doing here?
- Melvyn Stockard: I haven't a clue, sweetheart.
- Sgt. Gavin Troy: This morning, the murdered remains of Robin Wooliscroft were brought up from the well. And it's common knowledge...
- Joe Megson: Common knowledge? Is that all you got to go on, idle bloody tittle-tattle?
- Reverend Thorne: [speaking about Joe Megson, father of Julie's fiancé] But, well, let me be frank. He's known by reputation to be...
- Julie Stockard: What? Known to be what?
- Reverend Thorne: Well, to be charitable, a man of uncertain temperament. And it would take such a man allied to a brutal physical strength to carry out such an appalling deed.
- Julie Stockard: What did you just say?
- Francesca Ward: Julie...
- Julie Stockard: No! He's talking about my future father-in-law. Daddy, I don't want him to marry me!
- Melvyn Stockard: Calm down.
- Julie Stockard: No, I won't! This man's a slimy creature who'll do anything you say to get his bloody roof mended!