- Merchant Banker: What is my incentive to give you the Pound?
- Mr Ford: Well, the incentive is to make the orphans happy.
- Merchant Banker: Happy? You quite sure you've got this right?
- Mr Ford: Yes, lots of people give me money.
- Merchant Banker: What, just like that?
- Mr Ford: Yes.
- Merchant Banker: Must be sick. Uh, I don't suppose you could give me a list of their names and addresses.
- Merchant Banker: [on phone] Hello? Ah, Mr. Victim, yes, I'm glad to say I've got the go-ahead to lend you the money you require, yes. Uh, we will, of course, need as security the deeds to your house, of your aunt's house, of your second cousin's house, of your wife's parents' house, and of your granny's bungalow - and we will, in addition, need a controlling interest in your new company, uh, unrestricted access to your private bank account, the deposit into our vaults of your three children as hostages, and a full legal indemnity against any acts of embezzlement carried out by any members of our staff during the normal course of their duties.
- 'BDDWH' Presenter: Hello, good evening and welcome to another edition of "Blood, Devastation, Death, War & Horror". And later we'll be talking to a man who DOES gardening. But our first guest tonight is a man who talks entirely in anagrams.
- Hamrag Yatlerot: Taht si crreoct.
- 'BDDWH' Presenter: Do you enjoy this?
- Hamrag Yatlerot: I stom certainly od. Revy chum so.
- 'BDDWH' Presenter: And what is your name?
- Hamrag Yatlerot: Hamrag, Hamrag Yatlerot.
- 'BDDWH' Presenter: Well Graham, nice to have you on the show. Now where do you come from?
- Hamrag Yatlerot: Bumcreland.
- 'BDDWH' Presenter: Cumberland?
- Hamrag Yatlerot: Staht sit sepreicly.
- 'BDDWH' Presenter: And I believe you're working on an anagram version of Shakespeare?
- Hamrag Yatlerot: Sey sey, taht si crreoct, er. Ta the mnemot I'm wroking on "The Mating Of The Wersh."
- 'BDDWH' Presenter: "The Mating Of The Wersh". By William Shakespeare?
- Hamrag Yatlerot: Nay, by Malliwi Rapesheake.
- 'BDDWH' Presenter: And, erm, what else?
- Hamrag Yatlerot: "Two Netlemeg Of Verona", "Twelfth Thing", "The Chamrent Of Venice"...
- 'BDDWH' Presenter: Have you done "Hamlet"?
- Hamrag Yatlerot: Be ot or bot ne ot, tath si the nestquie.
- 'BDDWH' Presenter: And what is your next project?
- Hamrag Yatlerot: Ring Kichard the Thrid.
- 'BDDWH' Presenter: I'm sorry?
- Hamrag Yatlerot: A shroe! A shroe! My dingkome for a shroe!
- 'BDDWH' Presenter: Ah, King Richard, yes... but surely that's not an anagram, that's a spoonerism.
- Hamrag Yatlerot: If you're going to split hairs, I'm going to piss off.
- [he leaves]
- [last lines]
- 'Life and Death Struggles' Narrator: Here you see some English comic actors engaged in a life or death struggle with a rather weak ending. This is typical of the zany madcap world of the irresistible kooky funsters. The English pantomime horse wins and so is assured of a place in British history, and a steady job at a Merchant Bank. Unfortunately, before his pension rights are assured, he catches bronchitis and dies. Another victim of the need to finish these shows on time.
- Title Card: ETH NED
- 'Life and Death Struggles' Narrator: The unsuspecting breakfast glides ever closer, and the royal pantomime person is poised for the kill. She raises her harpoon and fires! Bang, right in the toast. They struggle, and all is over. Poor breakfast.