Monty Python's Flying Circus (TV Series)

Full Frontal Nudity (1969)

Graham Chapman: Policeman, The Colonel, Nude man, Mr. Lambert, Norman, Fourth Young Man

Photos 

Quotes 

• The Colonel : Now, I've noticed a tendency for this programme to get rather silly. Now I do my best to keep things moving along, but I'm not having things getting silly. Those two last sketches I did got very silly indeed, and that last one about the bed was even sillier. Now, nobody likes a good laugh more than I do... except perhaps my wife and some of her friends... oh yes and Captain Johnston. Come to think of it most people likes a good laugh more than I do. But that's beside the point. Now, let's have a good clean healthy outdoor sketch. Get some air into your lungs. Ten, nine, eight and all that.

• Private Watkins : I'd like to leave the Army please, sir.

  The Colonel : Good heavens man, why?

  Private Watkins : It's dangerous!

• Dino Vercotti : [swaggering in]  Morning Colonel.

  The Colonel : Good morning gentlemen, now what can I do for you?

  Luigi Vercotti : You've ah, you've got a nice Army base here, Colonel.

  The Colonel : Yes?

  Luigi Vercotti : We wouldn't want anything to happen to it...

  The Colonel : What?

  Dino Vercotti : What my brother means is, it would be a shame if ah

  [throws a knick knack to the floor shattering it] 

  Dino Vercotti : aw, sorry Colonel.

• Second Hermit : Hello, are you a hermit by any chance?

  Frank the Hermit : Yes that's right. Are you a hermit?

  Second Hermit : Yes, I certainly am.

  Frank the Hermit : Well I never. What are you getting away from?

  Second Hermit : Oh you know, the usual - people, chat, gossip, you know.

  Frank the Hermit : Oh I certainly do - it was the same with me. I mean there comes a time when you realize there's no good frittering your life away in idleness and trivial chit-chat. Where's your cave?

  Second Hermit : Oh, up the goat track, first on the left.

  Frank the Hermit : Oh they're very nice up there, aren't they?

  Second Hermit : Yes they are, I've got a beauty.

  Frank the Hermit : A bit drafty though, aren't they?

  Second Hermit : No, we've had ours insulated.

  Frank the Hermit : Oh yes.

  Second Hermit : Yes, I used birds' nests, moss and oak leaves round the outside.

  Frank the Hermit : Oh, sounds marvellous.

  Second Hermit : Oh it's a treat, it really is, 'cos otherwise those stone caves can be so grim.

  Frank the Hermit : Yes they really can be, can't they? They really can.

  Second Hermit : Oh yes.

  [Third hermit passes by] 

  Norman the Hermit : Morning Frank.

  Frank the Hermit : Morning Norman. Talking of moss, er you know Mr Robinson?

  Second Hermit : With the, er, green loin cloth?

  Frank the Hermit : Er no, that's Mr Seagrave. Mr Robinson's the hermit who lodges with Mr Seagrave.

  Second Hermit : Oh I see, yes.

  Frank the Hermit : Yes well he's put me onto wattles.

  Second Hermit : Really?

  Frank the Hermit : Yes. Swears by them. Yes.

• Mr. Praline : I'm not prepared to pursue my line of enquiry any further, as I think this is getting too silly.

  The Colonel : Quite agree. Quite agree. Silly, silly, silly. Right, get on with it. Get on with it!

• Narrator : And on the roads, too, vicious gangs of "Keep Left" signs...

  The Colonel : Right, right, stop it! This film's got silly. Started off with a nice little idea about grannies attacking young men, but now it's got silly.

• The Colonel : No, the whole premise is silly and it's very badly written. I'm the senior officer here and I haven't had a funny line yet, so I'm stopping it.