- Professor: It's an entirely new strain of sheep, a killer sheep that can not only hold a rifle but is also a first-class shot.
- Miss Garter-Oil: But where are they coming from, Professor?
- Professor: That I don't know. I just don't know. I really just don't know. I'm afraid I really just don't know. I'm afraid even I really just don't know. I have to tell you I'm afraid even I really just don't know. I'm afraid I have to tell you...
- [she hands him a glass of water; he takes a drink]
- Professor: Thank you. I don't know.
- Michael Miles: And could we have the next contender, please? Ha ha ha... Good evening, madam, and your name is?
- Mrs. Scum: Yes, yes!
- Michael Miles: And what's your name?
- Mrs. Scum: I go to church regularly.
- Michael Miles: Jolly good, I see, and which prize do you have particular eyes on this evening?
- Mrs. Scum: I'd like the blow on the head.
- Michael Miles: The blow on the head.
- Mrs. Scum: Just there.
- [pats her head]
- Michael Miles: Jolly good. Well, your first question for the blow on the head this evening is - what great opponent of Cartesian dualism resists the reduction of psychological phenomena to a physical state?
- Mrs. Scum: I don't know that!
- Michael Miles: Well, have a guess.
- Mrs. Scum: Henri Bergson?
- Michael Miles: Is the correct answer!
- Mrs. Scum: Ooh, that was lucky. I never even heard of him.
- Michael Miles: Jolly good.
- Mrs. Scum: I don't like darkies!
- Michael Miles: Ha ha ha! Who does! And now your second question for the blow on the head is - what is the main food that penguins eat?
- Mrs. Scum: Pork luncheon meat?
- Michael Miles: No.
- Mrs. Scum: [thinks] Spam?
- Michael Miles: No, no, no. What do penguins eat? Penguins.
- Mrs. Scum: Penguins?
- Michael Miles: Yes.
- Mrs. Scum: I 'ate penguins!
- [Mrs. Scum is trying to guess what penguins eat in the pursuit of the grand prize, the blow on the head]
- Michael Miles: No, no, no.
- Mrs. Scum: They eat themselves!
- Michael Miles: No, no, what do *penguins* eat?
- Mrs. Scum: Horses! Armchairs! Objects!
- Michael Miles: No, no, no. What do penguins eat?
- Mrs. Scum: Oh, penguins!
- Michael Miles: Penguins.
- Mrs. Scum: Cannelloni.
- Michael Miles: No.
- Mrs. Scum: Lasagna, moussaka, lobster thermidor, escalopes de veau a l'estragon avec endives gratineed with cheese!
- Michael Miles: No, no, no, no. I'll give you a clue.
- [mimes a fish swimming]
- Mrs. Scum: Ah! Brian Close!
- Mr. Brando: Yes, we have quite a number of idiots banking here.
- Interviewer: What kind of money is there in idioting?
- Mr. Brando: Well now a days the really blithering idiot can make anything up to 10,000 pounds a year if he's the head of some big industrial combine. But of course the more old fashion idiot still refuses to take money. He takes bits of string, wood, dead budregards, sparrows, anything. But it does make the cashier's job very difficult.