Moonlighting (TV Series)

Twas the Episode Before Christmas (1985)

Cybill Shepherd: Maddie Hayes

Quotes 

• David Addison Jr. : I don't know if you believe this about me, but I take all this pain and suffering very personally.

  Madelyn 'Maddie' Hayes : I'll bet you do.

  David Addison Jr. : Many a night, I sat up thinking.

  Madelyn 'Maddie' Hayes : Imagine sitting and thinking.

  David Addison Jr. : And then last night, it hit me.

  Madelyn 'Maddie' Hayes : Left a bruise, I hope.

  David Addison Jr. : Who is the one beacon of hope, of fantasy, of joy still left out there in the world?

  Madelyn 'Maddie' Hayes : Steven Spielberg?

  David Addison Jr. : Santy Claus!

  Madelyn 'Maddie' Hayes : Oh, yeah?

  David Addison Jr. : But all is not well at the North Pole.

  Madelyn 'Maddie' Hayes : No, huh?

  David Addison Jr. : No, Maddie, you see we're living in an age of state of the art technology, global travel, split-second communications.

  Madelyn 'Maddie' Hayes : Is that bad?

  David Addison Jr. : It is if you're Kris Kringle.

  Madelyn 'Maddie' Hayes : Do tell.

  David Addison Jr. : All right, I will. You're a child.

  Madelyn 'Maddie' Hayes : Watch it.

  David Addison Jr. : You want to tell Santa Claus what to bring you for Christmas. What do you do?

  Madelyn 'Maddie' Hayes : Write a letter.

  David Addison Jr. : Ha! I can see you haven't been around a lot of kids. Nobody writes anymore.

  Madelyn 'Maddie' Hayes : They don't?

  David Addison Jr. : Hell, no! They're too busy studying for SATs, applying for credit cards, going through detox.

  Madelyn 'Maddie' Hayes : The joys of childhood.

  David Addison Jr. : And that's where Santa's Hotline comes in. By simply dialing our convenient 900 number, children from all over the free world can converse directly, and in total privacy, with old St. Nick, or one of his personally appointed helpers, all for the low, low price of $1.75 a minute, plus the cost of the toll call. Prices may vary outside the continental United States. You like?

• Madelyn 'Maddie' Hayes : You ever noticed you answer all my questions with a question?

  David Addison Jr. : I do?

• Madelyn 'Maddie' Hayes : I hate.

  David Addison Jr. : You want to take a second to think about it?

  Madelyn 'Maddie' Hayes : Just when I think you've sunk as low as you can go, you find a basement door!

• Madelyn 'Maddie' Hayes : [about the baby Agnes found in her apartment]  She has no business keeping that baby and you know it.

  David Addison Jr. : I don't know it. I don't know anything.

  Madelyn 'Maddie' Hayes : Will you put that in writing?

• David Addison Jr. : I just had a thought.

  Madelyn 'Maddie' Hayes : There's a first.