- Duck: Quack.
- Dr. Fozzie: What'd you call me?
- Duck: Hey, take it easy, this is the noise I make.
- Dr. Fozzie: Oh.
- Duck: Incompetent fool.
- Dr. Fozzie: What?
- Duck: Just another duck noise.
- Kermit the Frog: Uh, uh, uh, Gonzo, uh, what do we have in the budget for Mr. Short?
- The Great Gonzo: Well, let's see, uh, we've got tap water. Uh, pretzel rods, and all the coins that he can find in the sofa.
- Martin Short's agent: [hyperventilates] You've got yourself a deal.
- Kermit the Frog: Oh, good.
- Clifford: Well, that's our show. How about a big round of applause for our big, round guest star, Mr. Martin Short!
- Clifford: Hey! Welcome back to Muppets Tonight. Martin Short is a little under the weather...
- Rizzo the Rat: Under the weather? It's more like he's under the couch!