- Crow T. Robot: [impersonating Gamera who is eyeing Kenny] Those kids at school, they tease you, Kenny, because they've never tasted Hell. Today, we turn the tables.
- Dr. Clayton Forrester: Your experiment this week, Joel, is the first in the famous Gamera turtle movies. It's a love story about a giant turtle and downtown Tokyo.
- Tom Servo: What's this? Oh, this is the universal unsuspecting drunkard about to have a brush with the supernatural.
- Tom Servo: The captain has turned off the No Dubbing sign. You are free to speak any language you choose.
- [Kenny claims that Gamera is good in spite of the destruction he's caused]
- Joel Robinson: What he's done today has been a benefit to all of us.
- [Kenny searches for his missing pet turtle Tibby]
- Crow T. Robot: How does he expect Tibby to signal him, light up a flare?
- Joel Robinson: What is it that you hate so much about Kenny?
- Crow T. Robot: Oh, he's a child of priviledge and the whole world revolves around him and stuff and he can walk into a restricted maximum security military situation and they treat him like an adult just because he befriended a stupid old turtle.
- Tom Servo: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he never gets into trouble even though his friendship with Gamera is causing the death of *millions*. And he skips school whenever he wants to. And he never so much as gets sent to his room.
- Narrator: The city is off limits to civilians. Not even the press is allowed to enter the area.
- Joel Robinson: Kenny, however, is free to move about.
- Tom Servo: [commenting on Gamera traveling into water] Gamera, honey, don't go out too far. You just ate.
- Tom Servo: Here at Toho Industries, we're working to keep your trust. If we can't freeze Gamera, no one can.
- Dr. Hidaka: Well Catherine, I suggest you forget science and instead really become Alex's inspiration.
- Tom Servo: Ha ha. You can't do both. You're a woman.
- Crow T. Robot: Well, why do you go about stomping on cities and stuff?
- Gamera: Well, it-it's not my fault. Listen, I'm big boned, right? And let's face it, cities discriminate against us big boned types, okay?
- Teacher: The other students make fun of him. They think that he's strange.
- Tom Servo: Kids are perceptive that way.
- Tom Servo: So what's the deal with that boy, Kenny? You guys seem to be such chums.
- Gamera: Kenny. Kenny. Kenny, Kenny. Little Sweet Kenny. The deal with Kenny is he's a good kid, good hearted. Don't get me wrong, but uh... I'm using him, you know? 'Cause, let's face it, he softens up my image. You know, right? Kenny, cause...
- Crow T. Robot: Well, I... Uh.
- Gamera: Well look, I can smash a huge city, take out thousands of people, right? Say a suburb of Osaki - kill ten million - and then, uh, you know with Kenny at my side, I look like Jimmy Stewart in Mr. Smith Goes To Washington. It's great. Let me tell you something about that unconditional love, children. It feels really good.
- Pilot: What is your name? What is your designation?
- Crow T. Robot: Are you known for your work in the theater?
- [the dark plane fires two missiles out of its back]
- Joel Robinson: Uh, you lost your muffler!
- [the American plane fires all six of its missiles]
- Joel Robinson: Just a couple.
- [the dark plane explodes]
- Tom Servo: And that's just a warning!
- Crow T. Robot: [singing] Tippi...
- Tom Servo: It's Tibby! Tibby!
- Crow T. Robot: Sorry.
- Crow T. Robot: [singing] I love you, my fine little fella. / Even though you gave the whole family salmonella...
- Tom Servo: NO! NO! That's not their fault!
- [Last lines]
- Joel Robinson: So, what do you think, sirs? And thanks for not sending us such a bad movie this time.
- Dr. Clayton Forrester: What do you mean "thank you"?
- [groans]
- Dr. Clayton Forrester: Frank, file this and give Joel a shock to the shammies.
- Frank: I live to serve you, my master.
- [we cut to black]
- Joel Robinson: No! Not a shock to the shamm-e-ies!
- Joel Robinson: Man, they've been on that plane for 48 hours.
- Tom Servo: Luckily, the in-flight film is "Berlin Alexanderplatz."
- Scientist: [on Gamera] It has the power to convert organic matter into inorganic.
- Joel Robinson: Like McDonald's!