- [Making up his own lyrics to a musical montage]
- Tom Servo: Oh, Charles Manson walks the streets/The Zodiac Killer's at large/Charles Bukowski is puking out the window/And Santa Claus is on his way. Hey.
- [watching a supposedly wild dance sequence]
- Crow T. Robot: Man, if it gets any wilder here, a bridge game is gonna break out.
- Pearl Forrester: [wanting to make Brain Guy look like a hunchback] Brain Guy, I want to give you a hump.
- Brain Guy: Well, look, madam, whatever your feelings for me I think...
- Pearl Forrester: On your back, idiot.
- Brain Guy: That's sexual harrassment, and I don't have to take it!
- Pearl Forrester: A latex hump!
- Brain Guy: Now see here!
- Pearl Forrester: [hands him a latex hump for his back] Would you just put this on?
- [after a bad edit results in a character suddenly appearing mid-scene]
- Tom Servo: I'm back.
- Mike Nelson: Anybody notice that I'm here now?
- Crow T. Robot: C'mon, I just teleported here, it's impressive.
- Singer: [as a song plays, a greasy cook watches] Everything I touch turns to gold...
- Crow T. Robot: So what happens when you touch gold?
- Tom Servo: Everything I touch turns to flies.
- Mike Nelson: Wolfgang Puck's sad demise.
- [a character pulls a gun out of his pants]
- Mike Nelson: Oh, a gun. So that was the loud report and burning sensation in my groin.
- Critter Jones: You know, Buz, you're like a blind rattlesnake. You hear a noise and you just snap.
- Mike Nelson: [as Buz] Yeah, well, you're like a deaf puff adder!
- Michelle: That's the guy with all the words.
- Buz Nichols: That's the guy with all the bread.
- Tom Servo: Words? Bread? Must be Samuel Johnson with a baguette.
- [Blatts hands Buz a garbage can to empty]
- Harry Blatts: Here, this'll give you something to do with those busy hands of yours.
- Crow T. Robot: Gah, what is he implying?
- Crow T. Robot: [Buz applauds Michelle's so-called "dancing" by clapping] Don't! The fryer's hooked up to the clapper!
- Tom Servo: [as Michelle dances and Critter plays his guitar there is a mysterious harmonica sound coming from somewhere which seems to be timed properly with Michelle's waist undulations] Hey, way to play the harmonica with your ass, honey!
- [a police car drives by the diner window]
- Tom Servo: [imitating an old NYC cabbie] Somebody call for a cab to LaGuardia?
- Critter Jones: You think I'm just a college dropout from the peace corps. Well, I'm much bigger than that.
- Mike Nelson: I'm Adolph Hitler.