- Dan Fielding: Excuse me, anything for me?
- Joy Buscaglia: Yeah, your doctor phoned and said your tests came out negative.
- Dan Fielding: Are you sure?
- Joy Buscaglia: Hey, it's a poor musician who blames his instrument.
- [At his job interview, Dan finds that the hiring partner only wants him for an office gigolo]
- Dan Fielding: You think you can call me in here, play your little bedroom games, take shots at my manhood? That's fine! I get that all the time! All right, maybe I wasn't able to afford some snooty Ivy League education. But let me tell you something. When you get your degree from the Bayou Academy of Law & Agriculture, you learn something else: a fighting sow-belly has to WORK for what he wants! Can't be afraid to get your snout dirty! You know, I live the law every day. In the courts and the jails of New York City. And I may have barf in my cuffs when I come home at night. But that's the way I like it.
- [building]
- Dan Fielding: That's why I have the highest conviction rate of any DA in this city. And that's why I have the lowest percentage of overturned cases! And that's why you can say anything you want to about my manhood, but nobody, lady - NOBODY - can touch Dan Fielding in a court of law.
- [throws off his jacket]
- Dan Fielding: Or for that matter, anywhere else!
- Toni Corbin: You mean...?
- Dan Fielding: [yanks off his tie] I mean, hold on to your Dixie Cups, babes! THE SOUTH SHALL RISE AGAIN!
- Roz Russell: [Bull's blind girlfriend has escorted him out of the room] The blind... leading the blank.
- [Dan breaks down crying the night after his date]
- Dan Fielding: Women.
- Harry Stone: So, who was it last night? The Soviet gymnast?
- Mac Robinson: The farmer's daughter?
- Bull Shannon: One of those rubber-jointed ladies from the freak shows that like to be handcuffed and thrown around the room by their ponytails, screaming for mercy until they black out?
- [Stares from everyone]
- Bull Shannon: What?
- Harry Stone: Come on, Dan. You can't let this get to you. Come on, every red-blooded American male has had to face this problem at one time or another in his life.
- Dan Fielding: Has it ever happened to you?
- Harry Stone: [jerks back, stung] Hell, no!
- [later]
- Bull Shannon: Take heart, Dan, this happens to every guy sooner or later.
- Dan Fielding: Has it ever happened to you?
- Bull Shannon: [jerks back, stung] Hell, no!
- Dan Fielding: Excuse me.
- [He exits, passing Mac as he comes in]
- Dan Fielding: H-?
- Mac Robinson: Hell, no!
- Joy Buscaglia: Sullivan!
- Christine Sullivan: Yes, right here!
- Joy Buscaglia: Your phone messages!
- Christine Sullivan: Oh, thank you.
- [takes them and stops]
- Christine Sullivan: Uh, excuse me, these are in Braille.
- Joy Buscaglia: [takes them back and slaps her hand on the first one] Your father wants to know why you're avoiding him.
- [crumples it and slaps the next one]
- Joy Buscaglia: Your singles club canceled the hayride because everybody else thought it was stupid.
- [crumples it and slaps the last one]
- Joy Buscaglia: And some twerp named Rod phoned and said he can't wait to see his "Lammycakes" for some "smoochy-pie."
- Christine Sullivan: [embarrassed] Gee, thanks.
- Joy Buscaglia: Hey, I'd love to stay and schmooze, but I can tell you two civic giants want to be alone. Maybe you can rub your skulls together and come up with a thought or something. Later.
- [she exits]
- Cooper: You know, it's a shame we don't burn people at the stake anymore.
- Dan Fielding: Let's face it, Harry. I'm all washed up.
- Harry Stone: Come on, Dan, so you...
- Dan Fielding: Say it.
- Harry Stone: You...
- Dan Fielding: Come on, man, say it!
- Harry Stone: You had a little trouble launching the ol' Love Boat.
- Dan Fielding: We are talking stuck in drydock, Harry!
- Joy Buscaglia: Now listen, up, 'cause I'm only gonna say this once. My name is Joy Buscaglia, I touch-type sixty words a minute, take dictation from transcription, and I'm fastest in the building at the Xerox machine - I don't have to close the lid. Now we're gonna have a few ground rules around here. One...
- [bangs her cane against the desk]
- Joy Buscaglia: We don't move the furniture around. Two: no sneaking up on me! And three: I don't like chit-chat. Do not ask how I am. I'M BLIND! That's how I am.
- [the staff enters Harry's office near the end of recess]
- Bull Shannon: Hey.
- Harry Stone: You guys ready to do it?
- Roz Russell: Some more than others.
- Dan Fielding: You know, I'm really glad that my personal life is suddenly everybody's business!
- Roz Russell: Hey, don't get testy with me just 'cause your Dow Jones average hit a slump.
- Christine Sullivan: Dan, you know there are several books on this subject that might be of some use to you.
- Dan Fielding: Such as?
- Christine Sullivan: [as everyone turns their gaze on her] Well..."The Little Engine That Could."