- Augustus Hill: When Napoleon died in Exile, the doctors cut off his dick. They put his dick in an ornate jar and gave it to his priest; don't ask me why. Over the years, Napoleon's dick was sold and sold again to the highest bidder. To this day, at least three people claim to own Napoleon's dick. But you see, it's not important who owns the real dick. The big question is, well... who the fuck do those other two dicks belong to?
- [Keller got stabbed multiple times in a storage room]
- Vern Schillinger: I guess Mr. Keller's got himself about *three or four* assholes now.
- [the other Aryans laugh]
- Tobias 'Toby' Beecher: [flinching away from Keller] Don't.
- Chris Keller: You realize we've only kissed once? In all these months... once. All I've been thinking about is kissing you again.
- [reaches out to touch Beecher again]
- Tobias 'Toby' Beecher: [jerks away] Hey, I said don't!
- Warden Glynn: You wanted to see me.
- Chris Keller: I gotta get out of this place.
- Warden Glynn: There's a reason you're in protective custody. We want you to live long enough to testify against Schillinger.
- Chris Keller: Yeah, Warden I stay in here I die of boredom.
- Warden Glynn: You wanted magazines, I sent magazines.
- Chris Keller: How many times a day can a guy jerk off?
- Warden Glynn: I don't know, depends on the guy.
- Chris Keller: I gotta go back to Em City. I ain't worried about Schillinger. I'll take care of myself. I want that fuck to see I'm not punking out.
- Augustus Hill: Napoleon's final defeat came at Waterloo. Must've been embarrassing. You're the fucking emperor. You conquered all of Europe, only to lose in a place with a stupid name like Waterloo. Or Watergate, or Whitewater. Note to politicans: Stay on land.
- Antonio Nappa: So Adebisi, how come you want to work in the AIDS ward with all those fags?
- Simon Adebisi: You know, it's funny. Out there I hated them, but in here, well, sometimes you need your dick sucked.
- Antonio Nappa: Yeah, well that's the difference between you and me. I've got some self control.