Psych (TV Series)

Pilot (2006)

Dulé Hill: Burton Guster

Photos 

Quotes 

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : You named your fake detective agency "Psych"? Why not just call it, "Hey, We're Fooling You and the Police Department, Hope We Don't Make a Mistake and Someone Dies Because of It"?

  Shawn Spencer : First of all, Gus, that name is entirely too long. It would never fit on the window. And secondly, the best way to convince people you're not lying to them is to tell them you are.

• Shawn Spencer : Come with me.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Uh, no. I'm never doing anything blindly with you again, I learned that at the Mexican border. Twice.

• Thrift Store Guy : I've gone to jail for less than you.

  Gus : Jail's no fun. I'll tell you that much.

  Thrift Store Guy : Oh, you've been?

  Gus : Once in Monopoly.

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : How should we introduce ourselves? Don't say "psychic," they'll shut you off. Pick something vague, like Alternative Tactics Division.

  Shawn Spencer : How about the Bureau of Magic and Spell Casting?

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : What's your dental plan?

  Shawn Spencer : Don't get cavities.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Health plan?

  Shawn Spencer : Same but with hepatitis and shingles.

• Shawn Spencer : I have a job for you.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : I already have a job.

  Shawn Spencer : They're paying you to play video games?

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : [sighs]  How do you do that?

  Shawn Spencer : Come on! Left hand, space bar, right hand, arrow keys. Gus, you should ask me a challenging question every once in a while, just for kicks.

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : Make no mistake, Shawn. I will kill you.

  Shawn Spencer : Ok, I appreciate the fact that you think you can beat me up, but I think our last scupple proves otherwise.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Are you talking about the Cinnamon Festival?

  Shawn Spencer : Yes! You do remember!

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Okay, first of all, I was six and I had a cast!

  Shawn Spencer : Which many would construe as a clear advantage. It's like having a weapon attached to your arm.

• Shawn Spencer : [using binoculars]  What is the magnification of these things?

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : 2x.

  Shawn Spencer : Okay, we really need to stop at Wal-Mart on the way home.

• Gus : You're dating a murderer!

  Shawn Spencer : Not exclusively.

• Shawn Spencer : [Referring to a shirt bearing the word "Sarisium" in large letters]  What is this?

  Gus : I get them free. My sponsors love me when I wear them.

  Shawn Spencer : What does Sarisium Cure?

  Gus : Dude, Don't even start.

  Shawn Spencer : I'm buying you lunch. I can drill you as much as I want. What does it cure?

  Gus : Cold Sores.

  Shawn Spencer : And you wonder why you can't find a nice girl.

  Gus : I wear it when I work out.

  Shawn Spencer : So you're at the gym, surrounded by fit single women wearing a shirt that essentially says, "Hi, I have herpies".

• Shawn Spencer : Is it entirely too early for me to have a theory?

  Gus : Could you wait until we see some evidence first?

  Shawn Spencer : I suppose I could, if'd make you happier.

• Shawn Spencer : Give me some money.

  Gus : Get your own money!

  Shawn Spencer : Gus, I'll give it back.

  [counts out four or five $1 bills] 

  Shawn Spencer : Seriously, this is all you carry?

• Shawn Spencer : Okay. This is hard to explain, but I'm gonna give it a shot. You and I... are opening our own private detective agency!

  Gus : ...Oh. See? No explanation necessary. Let me get my coat.

  [He doesn't move] 

  Shawn Spencer : But you're not getting your coat.

  Gus : Uh, no. No, Shawn, I'm not.

• [Gus starts breathing slowly and deeply while Shawn is admiring photos of a girl during an kidnapping investigation] 

  Shawn Spencer : What are you, lamaze breathing?

  Gus : It helps! I covered a few birthing centres.

  Shawn Spencer : [looks at him weirdly]  Just... let me know when the contractions are two minutes apart.

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : You named your fake detective agency "Psych?" Why didn't you just call it, "Hey, we're fooling you and the police department; hope we don't make a mistake and somebody dies because of it?"

  Shawn Spencer : First of all, Gus, that name is entirely too long; it would never fit on the window. And secondly, the best way you convince people you're not lying to them is to tell them you are!

• Gus : You named your agency Psych? As in gotcha?

• Shawn Spencer : This one takes the cake.

  Gus : Oh yeah? Better than your acupuncture clinic?

  Shawn Spencer : I didn't realize experience was necessary.

• Gus : What are you doing?

  Shawn Spencer : I'm thinking.

  Gus : You look ridiculous!

• Shawn Spencer : Go buy the bag.

  Gus : What, you want a souvenir of your ineptitude?

  Shawn Spencer : I need to get a better look inside the bag.

  Gus : I'm not going in there. That guy wants to kill us.

  Gus : Gus, this guy works in a thrift store, OK? He's a big furry-hearted good Samaritan.

• Shawn Spencer : So, we've got five stacks going across. You figure four going longways. Ten stacks in each pile based on the wear and the indentation. I don't know, depending on the denomination, this could easily be five million dollars.

  Gus : You're kidding.

  Shawn Spencer : Yeah, give or take.

  Gus : You got that from a groove on the side?

  Shawn Spencer : Oh, come on Gus. Any small child could've figured that out.

• Gus : You solved one mystery, and now you're renting office space?

  Shawn Spencer : Gus, I've solved a bunch of mysteries! For instance, the mystery of who kept stealing your newspaper. Answer: me! The mystery of what we're doing this weekend. Hint: it involves dragsters.

• Gus : You pulled me out of work to stalk a girl?

• Shawn Spencer : This is a great plan! Camden McCallum deserves to be commended.

  Gus : Maybe you should date him too.

  Shawn Spencer : Maybe I will.