- Craig Taylor: [to Jennifer] We're sending him away to school.
- [to Justin]
- Craig Taylor: It's time you learn some discipline, how to be a man.
- Justin: I know all about discipline. And you should see me take it like a man.
- [Craig slaps him on the face.]
- Jennifer Taylor: Craig!
- Justin: [after being slapped by his father] It's all right, Mom! It didn't hurt.
- [to his father]
- Justin: If you wanna hit me, go right ahead. Only I'm not gonna cry like some little faggot. And if you wanna send me away to school that's all right too. Because I bet more butt-fucking goes on in boarding school than in the backroom of Babylon. But whatever you do, it's not gonna matter. Because I'll still be your queer son.
- Michael Novotny: [voice-over narration] Everybody's always wishing they had a boyfriend. We all picture how he'd look, how he'd sound, how nice it'd be to have someone to share your life, your dreams, your dental floss...
- Dr. David Cameron: [referring to the trick who's cruising them] Little disconcerting when you're trying to eat.
- Michael Novotny: [voice-over narration] ...so how come so few of us have one? That's because we're lying. Most of us couldn't commit to a house plant, how are we supposed to commit to having a boyfriend?
- [to David]
- Michael Novotny: You should see what it's like when Brian comes here. I'm so sorry, I promised I would not mention his name for ten minutes.
- Dr. David Cameron: I'd settle for five.
- [Michael smiles]
- Dr. David Cameron: And you've gotta stop smiling like that.
- Michael Novotny: [smiles] Like what?
- Dr. David Cameron: Like that. It makes me want to come across the table and eat you like a dessert.
- Michael Novotny: Would you like some whip cream with that, Sir?
- Jennifer Taylor: Craig? Aren't you going to say anything?
- Craig Taylor: Justin's not gay. Those nude drawings you found, they're probably just an assignment for art class. And the underwear, I'm sure he just bought it for himself.
- Jennifer Taylor: It's not his size.
- Craig Taylor: Still that's no reason to suspect that he's...
- Jennifer Taylor: He told me himself.
- Craig Taylor: So what? That doesn't mean anything. A lot of kids think that. They're confused, they're scared...
- Jennifer Taylor: He's not confused, he's not scared. He knows. The same way we've always known.
- Craig Taylor: No, no, I have not always known.
- Jennifer Taylor: At least suspected.
- Craig Taylor: No, you've suspected. He's not gay! He's...
- Jennifer Taylor: What? Sensitive? Different? Artistic?
- Craig Taylor: He's his own person. Not every kid is the quarterback on the football team.
- Jennifer Taylor: I think you better talk to him.
- Craig Taylor: And say what? "Your Mother thinks you're a homosexual?".
- Jennifer Taylor: Before he gets himself into trouble. Before he exposes himself to God-knows-what... If he hasn't already.
- Craig Taylor: Wait... You're saying he's doing things?
- Jennifer Taylor: He's seventeen. How naive can you be?
- Craig Taylor: So why didn't you tell me?
- Jennifer Taylor: I promised him I wouldn't.
- Craig Taylor: Oh, that's terrific. Don't I have a right to know what's going on around here?
- Emmett Honeycutt: [someone's knocking on the door.] Woo... That must be prince charming.
- [Emmett runs to the door, opens it, and finds Brian standing there.]
- Emmett Honeycutt: Make that the Wicked Witch.
- Michael Novotny: What are you doing here?
- Brian Kinney: I'm hungry; let's go get something to eat.
- Michael Novotny: I'm going to my Mom's, remember?
- Brian Kinney: Oh, right, din-din with Doc. I forgot.
- Michael Novotny: He's gonna be here any minute, so you better go.
- Brian Kinney: [opens a box] What's this?
- Michael Novotny: Chocolate Éclairs from the Big Q bakery. I bought them for dess...
- Emmett Honeycutt: [Brian puts the whole bun into his mouth, in one single mouthful.] Wow, it takes years of practice, develop technique like that.
- Michael Novotny: [comes over to Brian, taking over the box] Look, I know you don't like him...
- Brian Kinney: Who said I don't like him? And why do you give a fuck what I think?
- Emmett Honeycutt: I've been saying that for years.
- Brian Kinney: What matters is what you think. If you like him, that's all that's important.
- [looking at Emmett]
- Brian Kinney: Even though he is... quite a bit older than you, and lives in a world you know nothing about.
- Emmett Honeycutt: Shut-up!
- Michael Novotny: Are you saying he's too good for me?
- Brian Kinney: Nobody's too good for you, Mikey. You're better than anyone.
- Michael Novotny: Because he happens to think I'm hot. You know, some people do!
- Brian Kinney: Haven't I always told you that?
- [kisses Michael on the lips]
- Michael Novotny: [David approaches Michael with a bouquet of flowers.] Hi.
- [David kisses Michael on the lips. Michael is looking at the flowers]
- Michael Novotny: These are great. My Mom will love these.
- Dr. David Cameron: [laughs] Hers are in the car; those are for you.
- Emmett Honeycutt: [comes over to get the flowers, whispering] The second sign: flowers.
- [to David]
- Emmett Honeycutt: I'll just put these in some water.
- Dr. David Cameron: [puzzled] Everything alright?
- Brian Kinney: He's allergic to boyfriends bringing bouquets.
- Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Just like "Lady And The Tramp".
- Dr. David Cameron: "Lady And The Tramp"?
- Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: It's Michael's favorite movie.
- Michael Novotny: When I was nine!
- Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: You see Lady and Tramp go on this date to an Italian restaurant. And then the waiter...
- Vic Grassi: Tony.
- Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: What else would his name be?
- [laughs]
- Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: ...brings over this big bowl of spaghetti and meat balls. And... ehm, and they put their heads in the bowl... They're... they're dogs.
- [David laughs.]
- Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: And they come up with this one single strand of spaghetti. And then they chew, and they chew and...
- Vic Grassi: ...and they get closer, and closer...
- Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: ...until finally their lips meet.
- Michael Novotny: [to David] It is, in my estimation, the greatest screen kiss ever.
- [last lines]
- Dr. David Cameron: [to Brian about Michael] Maybe I should just disappear. You'd probably like that and he probably wouldn't think twice about it. But I'm not going to. I'm not going to disappear. Because I want him. Even more than you don't want me to have him. So if you're really his best friend, give him a chance to be happy. To have a life. His own life. Let him go.
- [first lines]
- Daphne Chanders: [as a heavily tattooed man walks past] Did you see that?
- Justin: Kind of hard to miss.
- Daphne Chanders: It's so gross.
- Justin: I think it's cool.
- Michael Novotny: Ma, this is David. And I... I thought tonight was your night off.
- Dr. David Cameron: I, ah... Loraine got food poisoning.
- [pointing to the plate]
- Dr. David Cameron: I think it was the shish kebab.
- [David immediately drops the shish kebab that he was about to eat, terrified.]
- Dr. David Cameron: [laughing] Just kidding! Okay, I gotta get cranking. I got a lot of hungry boys to feed.
- Emmett Honeycutt: I say if it walks like a boyfriend...
- Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: ...and talks like a boyfriend...
- Emmett Honeycutt, Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: ...Then it must be a boyfriend!
- Brian Kinney: Would you two please shut the fuck up? I think it's great that Mikey's got a steady.
- Michael Novotny: He's not a steady! We went out twice!
- Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Around here, that's a long-term relationship.
- Emmett Honeycutt: The next thing you know, you'll be exchanging rings...
- Brian Kinney: Hmmm... And then there'll be one of those commitment ceremonies; where like, all two hundred of the guests have slept with one, if not the both of the happy couple.
- Emmett Honeycutt: Just, ehm, promise me you won't wear matching white suits.
- Michael Novotny: There is no way that is ever going to happen.
- Emmett Honeycutt: Well, then I suggest you, watch out for the warning signs.
- Michael Novotny: What warning signs?
- Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Like when he brings you flowers...
- Emmett Honeycutt: ...or, or invites you away for a romantic weekend to the country.
- Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Not that you'll see much beside the bedroom ceiling.
- [Emmett laughs]
- Brian Kinney: Your shot, Mikey.
- Emmett Honeycutt: Oh, or the most tell-tell sign of all: When he meets your mother, and ah... she invites him over for dinner.
- [Michael hits the cue ball right off the pool table.]
- Emmett Honeycutt: Something the matter?
- Michael Novotny: I lost my grip.
- Justin: Guess what I got today.
- Brian Kinney: A new bell for your bicycle?
- Justin: A nipple ring...
- [showing Brian the ring]
- Brian Kinney: Every piece of trash has something stuck through their ear, and their nose, or their belly button, their cock. What makes you think I'm even remotely interested that you have a ring through your tit?
- Brian Kinney: [to Michael] Don't forget about this Friday.
- Justin: What's this Friday?
- Brian Kinney: You're too young to know.
- Justin: Tell me!
- Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: It's just some heathen ritual called "Studs and Suds".
- Justin: "Studs and Suds"? What's that?
- [Brian looks over to Michael, and Michael shakes his head.]
- Emmett Honeycutt: Well,
- [clears throat]
- Emmett Honeycutt: first, they flood the dance floor of Babylon with soap suds...
- Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: ...then everyone strips down to their undies...
- Emmett Honeycutt: ...Or less. And dances. Cheek to cheek...
- [bumps Ted with his butt]
- Justin: Sounds awesome!
- Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: It's disgusting!
- Emmett Honeycutt: See you there?
- Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Can't wait!
- Justin: You said you wouldn't tell! You promised!
- Jennifer Taylor: Justin, I had no choice. I had to tell Daddy.
- Justin: You lied to me. You said you wouldn't.
- Jennifer Taylor: It was for your own good. When I saw you with this... Brian...
- Justin: You keep calling him "this Brian", like that's his name. It's just "Brian".
- Jennifer Taylor: [pausing] When I saw you with... Brian..., his arms around you, kissing you, I couldn't believe it! Not for the reason you think. It's not right for a man his age to be touching you! To be having sex with you. And..., even though you may think you... love him..., I'm sure he doesn't love you.
- Justin: That's not true.
- Craig Taylor: He's an adult! It's illegal for an adult to have sex with a minor.
- Jennifer Taylor: Honey, it's not your fault. We don't blame you. We understand this man... enticed you...
- Justin: He didn't entice me; I wanted him!
- Craig Taylor: Justin... God! You're... you're too young to know what you want...
- Jennifer Taylor: Craig, please. You promised you'd stay calm.
- Craig Taylor: I... I am calm. And what about A.I.D.S.?
- Justin: He wore a condom. I put it onto him myself.
- Craig Taylor: Oh! God! I'm calling the police.
- Jennifer Taylor: You're not calling anybody. That's all we need, for everybody to know.
- Craig Taylor: Wait, you want this monster, this... child molester to go free?
- Justin: He didn't molest me and I'm not a child.
- [looking at Jennifer]
- Justin: I love him... more than anything else in my life. It's all I want - is to be with him.
- Craig Taylor: I... don't ever want to hear you say that again. And you are not to see him.
- Justin: I'm going to see him. I don't care what you say.
- Craig Taylor: I don't think so.
- [Justin just walks away from his parents.]
- Craig Taylor: No, you're not, Justin. Hey, Justin!
- Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: [David is having dinner at Michael's Mom's place] Have some more carbonara, David.
- Dr. David Cameron: Hmmm... I'm stuffed. Thanks.
- Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Oh, come on. With that body, you can afford to carbo load.
- Vic Grassi: Yeah, you must work out all the time.
- Dr. David Cameron: Well, when I can.
- Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Feel those biceps.
- [reaching over to touch David's arm]
- Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: I could never resist a hard body.
- [laughing]
- Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: Like mother, like son.
- Vic Grassi: Like uncle.
- Michael Novotny: Like, will you two please leave him alone? Next you'll be asking what kind of car he drives and how much he makes.
- [David laughs. Debbie and Vic look at him, staring with anticipation.]
- Dr. David Cameron: I drive a Jag, and I'm comfortable.
- Vic Grassi: Michael, if you don't marry this man immediately, I will!
- Dr. David Cameron: I think I will have a little more.
- Michael Novotny: Me too.
- Dr. David Cameron: [David and Michael are making out in Michael's old room.] I got a solution. I got a solution. How would you like to go away with me for the weekend?
- Michael Novotny: Huh?
- Dr. David Cameron: I got a cabin up in the woods.
- Michael Novotny: Will we get to see anything besides the bedroom ceiling?
- Dr. David Cameron: [laughing] Word of honor. What do you say?
- [Michael looks into David's eyes blankly, doesn't know what to say.]
- Deborah 'Debbie' Jane Grassi Novotny: [shouting] Say "yes", you little asshole, or I'll disown you!
- [David laughs again.]
- Michael Novotny: Like I said, it's a very small house.
- Brian Kinney: [talking on the phone] Six Fuller Court, corner of Tremont. Should take you... ten minutes? One for every inch!
- [he hangs up; there're knocking sounds on Brian's door - he opens it, and sees Michael standing there, smiling.]
- Brian Kinney: You got laid.
- Michael Novotny: I did not.
- Brian Kinney: Yes, you did. I can always tell. I thought you and Dave were having dinner at Deb's.
- Michael Novotny: Dinner's over.
- Brian Kinney: What? Did she scare him off?
- Michael Novotny: Actually, she and Vic were in their best behavior.
- Brian Kinney: That's even scarier. Listen, you can't stay. I've got someone coming over in approximate seven and a half inches. So... see you tomorrow at "Studs and Suds"?
- Brian Kinney: [on the phone] I told you, six Fuller, Corner of Tremont. Now get your ass over here. I've got this new dildo. Nine inches long, seven inches around. I'm gonna open up your hole with it and I'm gonna fuck you so hard, your eyes'll roll back in your head.
- Michael Novotny: [talking on the phone] It's my neck again. I can barely move it.
- Emmett Honeycutt: [referring to Michael's clothes] Do you want the periwinkle, or the apricot?
- Michael Novotny: [whispering to Emmett] Shhh!
- Emmett Honeycutt: [also whispering] I think the apricot goes better with your eyes.
- Michael Novotny: [gets back to the phone, pretending to be in agony] Ah... yeah, I... I think it'll be better in a couple of days. Oh, don't worry. I definitely plan on seeing my chiropractor. Thanks. Thanks. Bye.
- Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: You know what grows when you lie.
- Emmett Honeycutt: Too bad it's your nose.
- Michael Novotny: I'm entitled to a couple of personal days.
- Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Michael, you're entitled to a personal life!
- Emmett Honeycutt: Alright, have you got everything?
- Michael Novotny: Ah... Five pairs of jeans, seven shirts, four sweaters, and ten tees.
- Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: How long are you going for?
- Michael Novotny: The weekend.
- Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Alright.
- [walks over to Michael, taking things out from the bag]
- Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: One change of undies, a pack of condoms, a tube of lube. There. You're all set.
- Michael Novotny: Remember when my Mom took me to Atlantic City, I got sick on all that saltwater taffy?
- Emmett Honeycutt: Listen to him. He's got cold feet already.
- Michael Novotny: I'm not getting cold feet! I just... don't know what to do for a whole weekend.
- Emmett Honeycutt: Well, let's see. First you arrive...
- Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Then you fuck.
- Emmett Honeycutt: Then you unpack...
- Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Then you fuck.
- Emmett Honeycutt: Then you go berry picking.
- Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: Then you fuck.
- Michael Novotny: I mean after you fuck
- Emmett Honeycutt: You talk. You get to know each other.
- Michael Novotny: What if I run out of things to say? What if I... say some stupid remark and he says, "Why am I up here with this jerk?". And what if...
- Emmett Honeycutt: Hey! Hey! Would you please stop worrying?
- Michael Novotny: I just want him to like me.
- Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: He already does.
- [pausing]
- Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: He more than likes you.
- Emmett Honeycutt: So you go, and you have a fabulous time. And... Bring us back some berries.
- [Emmett puts his hand on Ted's shoulder. Michael smiles, and then Emmett starts groping Ted.]
- Theodore 'Ted' Schmidt: That's... not my berries.
- Justin: [talking about Brian getting in an accident] Oh my god. It was my dad. I know it. When I saw his car, it was totally smashed!
- Melanie: Now why would your father want to do something like that?
- Justin: Because my Mom told him everything. He wants to have you arrested and send me away.
- Brian Kinney: Don't be a drama princess.
- Ted Schmidt: You always seem to enjoy yourself when Michael's here. Well, I guess it's not as much fun scoring without your little audience of one, is it? As the great French philosopher Roquefort, or was it Camembert, once said, "It is not enough to trick, your best friend must also go home alone".
- Brian Kinney: Fuck you. I haven't thought about Michael once tonight.
- Ted Schmidt: Hey, what do you know! Just like when he's here!