- Johnny Gavin: You give that guy a bad nose job, a ranch with some rides on it and Liz Taylor's home number, you're looking at Michael Jackson my friend.
- Tommy Gavin: Ok, first of all he's our half brother, OK? So if he's Michael Jackson, you know who that makes us? That makes me Tito and that makes you Jermaine.
- Johnny Gavin: Why do I gotta be Jermaine?
- Tommy Gavin: Cause I'm Tito.
- Johnny Gavin: You give that guy a bad nose job, a ranch with some rides on it and Liz Taylor's home number, you're looking at Michael Jackson my friend.
- Tommy Gavin: Ok, first of all he's our half brother, OK? So if he's Michael Jackson, you know who that makes us? That makes me Tito and that makes you Jermaine
- Johnny Gavin: Why do I gotta be Jermaine?
- Tommy Gavin: Cause I'm Tito.
- Chief Jerry Reilly: Garrity, I need a nurse, not a stripper.
- Sean Garrity: Oh, no. She's the real deal, she's got a little hat, little uniform, the whole nine.
- Chief Jerry Reilly: [to Lou] If he doesn't shut up he's gonna need a g**damn nurse.
- Sean Garrity: Oh, no she's a stripper and a nurse, I promise, she works at a hospital downtown.
- Tommy Gavin: [after Shelia's girlfriend hit her, she calls Tommy] So why're you callin' me? Call the g**damn cops. When she sets you on fire, then you can call me.
- Johnny Gavin: [Tommy and Johnny are going to a blood drive]
- [to Tommy]
- Johnny Gavin: You might wanna pick up someone else's blood on the way. Yours is probably still flammable
- Johnny Gavin: [to Tommy] You might wanna pick up someone else's blood on the way. Yours is probably still flammable.