- Titus Pullo: [about Princess Cleopatra] That Gyppo princess, now that's good cunny.
- Lucius Vorenus: Her father's people rode with Alexander, you can't speak of her like that.
- Titus Pullo: She is, though. And she wants me badly.
- [Vorenus laughs]
- Titus Pullo: Should've seen her when I done that Nubian. Wet as October
- [sniggers]
- Lucius Vorenus: Pullo, look at me. She is a princess of royal blood. You touch her, you die.
- Titus Pullo: I'm not stupid. I'm just saying she wants me.
- [Vorenus is commanded to see Cleopatra]
- Charmian: Majesty commands you will enter her.
- Lucius Vorenus: I do not understand.
- Charmian: You have coitus with her.
- Lucius Vorenus: [Aghast] You have it wrong. Coitus means to make babies!
- Charmian: Exact! So, make babies.
- [Cleopatra spreads her legs in anticipation]
- Charmian: Don't be scared.
- [the female slave starts to undress him]
- Lucius Vorenus: I'm not scared. I just cannot do what you ask. It is not... it is not in our custom. Roman men are not used by women in this way.
- Charmian: Come. You will enjoy it. My queen is an excellent lover.
- [Cleopatra starts touching Vorenus with her foot, going from his chest to his crotch]
- Charmian: [Vorenus is in doubt. Then he mounts her, but hesitates and steps back]
- Cleopatra: What is he waiting for? He must do as he is told!
- Charmian: Let me give you a hand.
- Lucius Vorenus: [Shakes the slaves off of him] Get off! I must ask forgiveness of Your Majesty, but I cannot comply! I am no slave to be commanded so! With all respect...
- Cleopatra: He *refuses*? This... insect refuses *me*?
- Charmian: You dare refuse the daughter of a sun god?
- [Vorenus turns around and storms out of Cleopatra's tent towards Pullo]
- Lucius Vorenus: Pullo, report immediately to Princess Cleopatra and do as she says!
- Titus Pullo: Eh?
- Lucius Vorenus: You heard!
- Titus Pullo: What's going on?
- Lucius Vorenus: Just go!
- Gaius Julius Caesar: I have conquered Gaul. I have defeated Pompey Magnus. I can handle a small boy and a eunuch.
- Mark Antony: I'm glad you are so confident; some might call it hubris
- Gaius Julius Caesar: It's only hubris if I fail
- [Repeatedly stabs the Nubian; slows stabbing rate until he stops. Looks around at the two women]
- Titus Pullo: [Calmly] Hello, ladies.
- Marcus Tullius Cicero: You should have no ill conscience. We did only what we had to do.
- Marcus Junius Brutus: No doubt Saturn said something of the sort after eating his children.
- [while searching for Cleopatra in the desert]
- Titus Pullo: Blood and fire! It's as hot as Vulcan's dick! What a dump. Gyppo gods must be right wasters to make a place like this.
- Lucius Vorenus: Don't speak ill of the gods in their own country.
- Titus Pullo: Gerrae. I've seen their gods. Titus Pullo isn't scared of any bastard with a dog's head on him.
- Lucius Vorenus: More fool you. These gods are old and powerful. Egypt was a great nation long before Rome.
- Titus Pullo: Was it? Mumped it up now, then, haven't they?
- [after Pullo has been ordered to have sex with Cleopatra]
- Titus Pullo: [sighs] Gods, that was something...
- Lucius Vorenus: Don't want to know! If you value your life, you won't speak of it again.
- Titus Pullo: Why? I was only obeying orders. Bloody good orders, too.
- [after warning Cicero, Antony starts to leave the Senate house]
- Marcus Junius Brutus: Antony?
- Mark Antony: Hmm?
- Marcus Junius Brutus: You said you had good news for us.
- Mark Antony: Oh, of course! How silly of me. A courier came from Alexandria. Caesar has lifted the siege and massacred the armies of Ptolemy. He is safe and sound, and master of all of Egypt.
- [laughing]
- Mark Antony: The man is a damn prodigy, eh?
- Pothinus: That is not just.
- Posca: Post mortem interests of this type are legally entailed to the presiding consul, i.e. Gaius Julius Caesar. It's... law.
- Pothinus: Roman law.
- Gaius Julius Caesar: Is there some other form of law, you wretched woman?
- Mark Antony: And Cicero, if I ever hear your name in connection with whispers of treachery again, I will cut off these soft, pink hands, and nail them to the Senate door.
- Gaius Julius Caesar: His majesty forgets he is a vassal to Rome.
- King Ptolemy XIII: [Offended] Vassal? Vassal? I am no Vassal! I am King! I...
- Gaius Julius Caesar: *Sit down!*
- [He does]
- Gaius Julius Caesar: Thank you. When can I expect payment?
- Newsreader: A fine reward is offered for the return of a slave woman, stolen... or absconded from the house of Claudius Appius. The following noblemen returning from Greece have received pardon of Caesar, and must not be harmed. Publius Servillius Casca, Marcus Dublius Cicero, Gaius Cassius Longinus, and Marcus Junius Brutus. The traitor Pompey has fled to Egypt. Glorious Caesar follows!
- [regarding the dispute between Ptolemy and Cleopatra]
- Gaius Julius Caesar: This dispute between you both must end. Rome desires Egypt to be at peace. Your grain ships must keep sailing.
- Achillas: We are in absolute control of the country, from the lighthouse to the cataracts.
- Gaius Julius Caesar: Good. In that case, you should have no trouble in handing over Pompey Magnus.
- King Ptolemy XIII: I do NOT like his tone. He can go.
- Theodotus: [to Ptolemy, attempting to defuse the situation] Master, do you remember what we spoke of before? Of crocodile and fox? Let us show him our surprise.
- King Ptolemy XIII: [gleefully] Right, go on. Show him.
- [Pothinus motions to a nearby slave, who brings out a covered urn]
- Pothinus: We have a gift for you, Glorious Excellency, that we think you will be very pleased with.
- [the slave places the urn on the table next to Casear and pulls out Pompey's severed head, placing it in a dish on the table. Casear looks at it with barely concealed sorrow]
- King Ptolemy XIII: We were going to make him a body, with moving arms and legs, and do a mime show with real animals and everything...
- Gaius Julius Caesar: Silence!
- [Ptolemy takes a step back in shock; Caesar looks at the head sadly, then composes himself]
- Gaius Julius Caesar: Shame on the house of Ptolemies for such barbarity, shame.
- Pothinus: But - you are enemies!
- Gaius Julius Caesar: [rising to his feet in fury] HE WAS A CONSUL OF ROME!
- [Achillas and the guards reach for their swords; there is a tense pause]
- Gaius Julius Caesar: [quietly] A consul of Rome. To die in this sordid way, quartered like some low thief... shame! Where is the rest of him?
- Pothinus: It - uh, he has been cremated. With all proper funeral rites, of course. With all decorum.
- Gaius Julius Caesar: I shall return tomorrow, at which time, you will give me the man that took Pompey's life.
- [he sweeps out of the room; Posca covers the head, picks it up, and follows him out]