- Roseanne Conner: I want to be the kind of parent that can trust their kid.
- Dan Conner: Oh? You want to be the kind of parent who can look at a kid like Johnny Swanko and NOT think he's only got one thing on his filthy mind and we BOTH have a pretty good idea what that is.
- Roseanne Conner: Well, you know you used to be kind of a punk, and I was kind of naive on our first date, remember?
- [they look at each other and smile]
- Roseanne Conner: Becky!
- [walks to the living room]
- Roseanne Conner: You know something? I really think we're doing the right thing here.
- Dan Conner: I do too!
- Becky Conner: What now?
- Dan Conner: Your mother and I have reached a decision on the Swanko situation.
- Becky Conner: So can I go out with him?
- Roseanne Conner: Not in a million years!
- Dan Conner: So tell me about this Johnny kid.
- Darlene Conner: Well, he has a black studded belt... and they call him the tongue bandit.
- Roseanne Conner: Darlene, you can leave now.
- Darlene Conner: Yeah, I'll go over to Johnny's.
- D.J. Conner: Me too.
- Darlene Conner: Do I *have* to get dressed up for this boring dinner?
- Roseanne Conner: No, we're all eating naked.
- Darlene Conner: Agaaaaain?
- Becky Conner: They have to be gone by NINE. I have to start studying by NINE o' clock.
- Roseanne Conner: Exactly what is it that you're studying?
- Becky Conner: Nothing.
- Dan Conner: [to Becky] We're not going to do anything to embarrass you.
- Roseanne Conner: Right.
- Dan Conner: [bell rings, to Roseanne] I'll go get the door, you get the orgy lamp.
- Edgar Lang: It was always 'Aloha' this and 'Aloha' that, because aloha means so many things, it means of course hello and goodbye, and what else does it mean, Bonnie?
- Bonnie Lang: I know it means 'love'.
- Roseanne Conner: I think it means 'pot holder' too.
- Roseanne Conner: Uhhh, did you know that when you bake swordfish it shrinks? And when it burns, it almost disappears altogether?
- Dan Conner: [forced grin] Well why don't we just eat it now when it's *burnt*, honey?
- Darlene Conner: Burned?
- Roseanne Conner: I can make us hamburgers in 20 minutes.
- Bonnie Lang: Hamburgers will be fine. This will be our red meat day.
- Darlene Conner: We could've had hamburgers an HOUR ago! I hate this family!
- Roseanne Conner: Go get Becky and have her come down.
- Darlene Conner: She's not upstairs.
- Roseanne Conner: Where'd she go?
- Darlene Conner: If she has any brains, out to dinner.
- Roseanne Conner: Enlighten me, what's your definition of 'cool'? Is it cool to make a date with one guy and have his family come over on the very same night you make a date with Johnny Angel?
- Becky Conner: Johnny Swanko.
- Roseanne Conner: Whatever his name is. Answer the question.
- Becky Conner: This isn't any of your business.
- Roseanne Conner: It IS my business when you start sneaking out of this house and meeting a guy I would consider leaving your father for!
- Chip Lang: Hey Becky, are you doing anything tomorrow night?
- Becky Conner: [suspiciously] Why?
- Chip Lang: I was wondering if you wanted to see Bloodthirsty 2.
- Becky Conner: Tomorrow night?
- Chip Lang: Yeah.
- Becky Conner: ...It didn't get very good reviews.
- Roseanne Conner: Neither did Bloodthirsty 1, but you saw that 14 times.
- Dan Conner: Hey! I thought you were going to clear this table.
- Roseanne Conner: Oh I'm sorry, honey, I was just goofing around cooking dinner for *eight*.