Roseanne (TV Series)

Darlene Fades to Black (1991)

Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner

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Quotes 

• Roseanne : [after yelling at Dan for being sexist, then arguing with Becky. Becky runs up the stairs, so Roseanne turns to Darlene]  And you... What is it with you? All you do is just lay around that couch, staring at that stupid TV, one dumb rerun after another.

  Darlene : [to herself]  And I do it as well as any man.

• Roseanne : [Dan rides into the bike shop on a little scooter]  Hey look, it's a little baby bike! Get off it, hunny, you'll kill it.

• Roseanne : [Jackie wonders why nobody is talking to anyone]  *We*, have had a fight, and *we're* not speaking to each other.

  Jackie : Oh, well, what was the fight about? Maybe I can take a side.

• Darlene : [Roseanne wants to know what Darlene's friend called about]  She wanted to do something; I didn't feel like it.

  Roseanne : Yeah, well, so what are you going to do?

  Darlene : Nothing.

  Roseanne : That's what you did last weekend!

  Darlene : Yeah, well I'm not finished.

• Bonnie Watkins : [trying to help Roseanne figure out what's wrong with Darlene]  What about her friends? What if she's hanging around with a bad influence?

  Roseanne : [chuckles]  No, Darlene always *was* the bad influence.

• Tommy : [first time looking into buying a motorcycle, sits on a bike]  This is great!

  Dan : Yeah.

  Roseanne : [yelling with Becky in the back of Dan's bikeshop about Becky getting a scooter]  I said *No*!

  Becky : Give me *one* good reason!

  Roseanne : Because bikes *kill*, okay Becky! I mean, just ask your Aunt Jackie! When she was a cop, she used to scrape kids like you off the street all the time! And don't think a helmet's gonna help either! Alls that does is catch your brains after they fall out of your skull!

  Dan : [after customer overhears fight, and runs out the door]  Don't forget to tell your friends about us.

• Becky : [Roseanne wants to know if Becky has a date with Mark, her boyfriend that Roseanne hates]  No, we're fighting.

  Roseanne : What about?

  Becky : Well, he's a pig! Our whole world revolves around him. I swear Mother, I'm so sick of it. I'm thinking of telling him to 'bug off'.

  Roseanne : Don't toy with me, Becky.

• Roseanne : So how much can we get for this here scooter?

  Dan : I don't know, a couple hundred bucks. It's well built, low mileage, good engine. It's a good little scooter.

  Roseanne : Well, let's haul it out there to the showroom floor!

  Dan : No... I don't want it out there with the *real* bikes.

• Roseanne : [Roseanne is trying to get Darlene off the couch by offering her a charge card to go buy some clothes with]  Here's the card, just do it.

  Darlene : What should I buy?

  Roseanne : I don't know. Go, try to find something to blend in with the couch.

  Becky : [not believing her ears]  Oh, so that's the way it works around here? You lie around like a hairball and you get free clothes? Well, maybe if I lapse into a coma, I'll get that car.

• Roseanne : It just seems that when you had basketball...

  Darlene : [sighs and gets up]  Basketball, again with basketball.

  Roseanne : Hold on, sit down, I'm not telling you to play basketball. I think it's the dumbest sport ever invented and I spent all 4 years of high school acting like I had cramps so's I wouldn't have to play it. But it just seemed that when you had basketball, you cared about something. What do you care about now?

  Darlene : What I care about is being left alone.

• Roseanne : Why're you yelling at me?

  Dan : Because I'm mad and I need to yell at someone and you're right in front of me and she isn't!

  Roseanne : Okay, well tell you what, you go ahead and yell at me, and then point when it's my turn to yell back.

• Roseanne : Are you doing drugs, Darlene?

  Darlene : No.

  Roseanne : Would you tell me if you were?

  Darlene : If I was doing drugs, no I wouldn't tell you, but since I'm not doing them, the answer's no.

  Roseanne : Why should I believe that?

  Darlene : Because I'm saying it. You can search my room, give me a blood test, whatever.