- Roseanne: [about D.J.] You know, of all the people in the world to have as a role-model, our kid has to pick Eddie Munster.
- Roseanne: [Dan sneaks in late after being at the Lobo Lounge; Roseanne checks out his jacket for evidence of another woman] Ah-ha! a hair that isn't his!... Oh, it's mine.
- Jackie: [about Dan and Roseanne's sex life] You're kidding? You guys have a *night*?
- Roseanne: Yes, we have a *night*. It's not only Wednesday, but it's always Wednesday.
- Jackie: You have a time too?
- Roseanne: Yeah. Twenty minutes, or until he gets a cramp.
- Jackie: Well, you should make him wait half-an-hour after he eats.
- Jackie: Oh, c'mon. Just because you guys aren't having "Wednesday", doesn't mean he's out... "Wednesday-ing" somebody else.