- Mark: [why Mark didn't hurry to get to the Conner's house] I didn't think there was a dinner time here. I thought it was just grazin' 24 hours a day.
- Roseanne: [to Becky on the first episode featuring Sarah Chalke in the role] Watch it, young lady. You can be replaced.
- Roseanne: Becky, I want to be on your side, tell me that Mark cheats on you or beats you up or something, because I got nothing.
- Becky: Mark would never do that. I just wish we could go back to the way things were, when I lived here.
- Roseanne: So you want to divorce your husband, so you can date him? It doesn't work that way, Becky.
- Becky: I knew you wouldn't get it.
- Roseanne: No, I get it. Mark is out there working his butt off to save money so his spoiled immature brat of a wife can go back to school.
- Becky: Why are you getting mad at me?
- Roseanne: Because you are making *me*, defend *Mark*!
- D.J. Conner: [after taking everybody's coats, comes in the kitchen with a cigar] Hey Mom, look, I got a tip!
- Roseanne: Oh just what you need, something else to stunt your growth.
- Roseanne: [after Dan shows everybody a pair of her underwear from their first date] Hey, wait a minute, those aren't even mine!
- Dan Conner: [changing the subject] Rosie, let's go in the kitchen and get some snacks for everybody.
- Roseanne: [in the kitchen] Dan, this better be YOUR underwear or you're in BIG trouble.
- Dan Conner: I stole them from my mom, please don't tell her!
- Roseanne: Dan, we didn't have sex until our second date! This totally ruins my reputation!