Roseanne (TV Series)

It's a Boy (1993)

Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner

Quotes 

• Barbara Healy : Listen to me. I don't want you... butting in, telling me... how to raise my kids! Take a look at the two little *whores* you raised!

  Roseanne : [gets in Barbara's face]  Oh... uh, I'm in this now... You know, if your kid wasn't here, I would take the opportunity to remind you that people... who live in glass *whore-houses* shouldn't throw stones. It's people like you that give white-trash a bad name.

• Barbara Healy : [shouting at David]  You think you can live without me? You think you could survive for two minutes out there in that world, unless I was taking care of you? You are worthless! You are a worthless little *bastard*!

  Roseanne : Okay, I've changed my mind. David, you can come live with us if you want to.

  Barbara Healy : Are you trying to steal my kid?

  Roseanne : Oh, this has nothing to do with stealing anything. Whether he runs away, or comes and lives at my place, he is *not* gonna stay here with *you*.

• Roseanne : [to David]  Welcome to Roseannadu.

• Roseanne : Dan, I saw what David lives with, and I - I just couldn't leave him there. He deserves to move in with a stable family.

  Dan Conner : Gee, can I come too?

• Roseanne : [Roseanne tells Dan that she's letting David move in after all]  Well, I didn't do it for Darlene; she's the last person I want to make happy. I did it for David! I couldn't leave him there.

  Dan Conner : That's what you said when we found that lost puppy on the highway. I don't want this to wind up like that. I don't wanna have to put David to sleep.

• Darlene Conner : [asking if David can move in]  You don't know how much this means to me! I mean, David's the reason I came out of my mood last year, and stopped being so difficult.

  Roseanne : You stopped being difficult? Why didn't you tell us? We would've thrown a party!

• Roseanne : [deciding between hamburgers or pizza for dinner]  Well, David, it looks like you're the tie-breaker.

  David Healy : [Dan, D.J., Roseanne, and Darlene all stare]  Um, burger's good.

  Dan Conner : My God, I can feel it. The hormonal balance in this house has shifted, and the men are victorious! Come, men, let us repair to the living room. We shall watch "The Three Stooges" and we shall scratch ourselves.

  [Dan walks proudly into the living room, followed by D.J] 

  Roseanne , Darlene Conner : [David hurries after the men, they turn to each other and laugh victoriously]  Pizza.

• Roseanne : [Roseanne and Dan walk in on Darlene and David kissing in the kitchen]  Oh look, honey, our kids are necking.

• Roseanne : [telling David that he can't move in]  I mean, you know, we totally feel for your situation, but it's just, we don't let anybody grow up here unless we're forced to by law.

• Roseanne : The kids just took a shot on staying together, it's not the worst thing in the world.

  Barbara Healy : You don't think so?

  Roseanne : No, this isn't even the worst thing Darlene's done today!

• Roseanne : [about David's home life]  No, I don't mean messed up like *we're* messed up, I mean really, really *really* awful... I grew up in a house like that.

  Dan Conner : [sighs]  That bad, huh?