- Dan Conner: All right, Becky, what happened?
- Roseanne Conner: And try telling the truth this time.
- Becky: Look, it was no big deal. We had a couple of tornadoes.
- Roseanne Conner: Oh, it was no big deal, huh? How come you lied?
- Dan Conner: Who made them?
- Becky: I made them.
- Roseanne Conner: I want to know right now. Is this a new thing or a regular thing?
- Becky: I've never done it before.
- Roseanne Conner: Is that the truth?
- Becky: [annoyed] Yes! What is the problem? You guys drink all the time!
- Dan Conner: First of all, we don't drink all the time. Second of all, we're not talking about us!
- Becky: Look, I have one drink and you guys act like I'm an alcoholic! Oh, quick, I'll call the 800 number!
- Roseanne Conner: We are your 800 number, Becky. And if you got a problem, you better tell us about it right now.
- Becky: We were bored. we were looking for something to do.
- Dan Conner: You want something to do? Find me, I'll give you something to do!
- Becky: I guess I just wasn't thinking.
- Roseanne Conner: For God's sake, Becky, you're 14 years old!
- Becky: Mom, everything I do, everything I feel, it's always, "Well, she's 14". I mean, when you guys do something, people don't go, "Oh, well she's 37."
- Roseanne Conner: [after a pause] 36 and a half.
- Becky: Whatever.
- Dan Conner: You know, Becky, you're gonna find that when people drink, they mostly do it for the wrong reasons.
- Becky: [sarcastically] So, what are the right reasons?
- Dan Conner: Honey?
- Roseanne Conner: You're grounded!
- Roseanne Conner: [after finding out Becky is drunk, to Darlene] What the hell went on here? Did you get in the liquor when you were playing the records?
- Becky: [as Darlene hesitates, solemnly] I was playing the records.
- Dan Conner: Wait a minute... Darlene, I thought you said you were playing the records.
- Darlene Conner: Well, yeah. I mean... I got them out, but Becky was actually playing them.
- Karen Hudson: Who was the bartender?
- Darlene Conner: [to Becky] Wasn't it that girl who was over here studying with you?
- [Karen glares at Darlene who smiles]
- Darlene Conner: [to Becky] Well, you're not gonna do this again, are you?
- Becky: [annoyed] Look, I'll do...
- [groans from a headache]
- Becky: I'll do whatever I feel like doing, you little brat. Now beat it.
- Darlene Conner: Okay, okay. Maybe when I come back up, I'll bring you a little breakfast.
- [Becky groans]
- Darlene Conner: And maybe a sausage or two so you can bite down on one of those little hard chunks.
- [Becky trembles in sickness]
- Darlene Conner: And maybe a poached egg slightly undercooked...
- [Becky rushes out of bed and goes into the bathroom]
- Darlene Conner: ... with that white runny stuff that you can never quite keep on the spoon.
- [Becky vomits as Darlene slurps]
- Darlene Conner: Yes!
- Karen Hudson: [after coming in] I'll only take a couple minutes of your time.
- Roseanne Conner: Sure.
- Karen Hudson: You know, it's hard enough trying to keep an eye on my kid being by myself here. I kind of have to count on other parents to help out once in a while. Do you know what I mean?
- Roseanne Conner: Well, no, not really.
- Karen Hudson: [furiously] I think it's really crappy that I let my kid come over here and you guys just leave them alone in the house the whole damn day with an open liquor cabinet!
- Roseanne Conner: What are you talking about?
- Karen Hudson: My kid came home completely bombed yesterday, and she was throwing up half the night!
- Roseanne Conner: Are you saying that my kid got your kid drunk?
- Karen Hudson: That's exactly what I'm saying.
- Roseanne Conner: [to Becky] Dana was throwing up all night and you look like you've been reincarnated as a rag.
- Roseanne Conner: [to Becky] You know, I'm not so much bothered by the fact that you took a drink. I mean, you tried it, you got sick, you got caught. You know know what that's like. What really bugs the hell out of me is that I just can't trust you anymore and I always thought I could. You blew it big time.
- Becky: So, what are you saying? That I have to be chaperoned for the rest of my life?
- Roseanne Conner: Well, you tell me. Can I not leave you alone in the house anymore?
- Darlene: Well, I could watch her.
- Roseanne Conner: So, do I have to throw out every bit of liquor 'cause you can't get that kids do not do what adults do?
- Becky: No, of course not. I'm sorry, Mom.
- Roseanne Conner: Yeah, I'm sorry too. I'm sorry that I can't trust you anymore.
- Becky: Yes, you can.
- Roseanne Conner: Yeah, we'll find out I guess 'cause I'm gonna be watching you like a hawk. And maybe someday a long, long time from now, things will be the way they were before 'cause that's the way they should be.
- Dana Hudson: [fans herself with a record while drunk] Have you ever heard of Alpert Herbert? He's from Tijuana.
- Roseanne: [to Mrs. Hudson] Well, I'm sorry I wasn't here to keep an eye on whatever the hell went on here yesterday.
- Karen Hudson: I'm sorry too. I've got a 14-year-old girl at home with a hangover.
- Roseanne: Well, maybe you should go home and take care of her.
- Karen Hudson: Maybe you guys should shell out a few bucks and get a lock on that liquor cabinet.
- Dan Conner: Thanks, but I think we know how to run our own household.
- Karen Hudson: Yeah, well, don't expect to be seeing my kid around here anymore.
- [leaves the house]
- Dana Hudson: [to Becky] Don't think I'm stupid or anything, but like, what is this project about?
- Becky: It's about us, women in the '90s.
- Dana Hudson: Women of the '90s or women in the '90s?
- Becky: I think it's women in the '90s.
- Dana Hudson: But wouldn't women in the '90s mean, like old women?
- Becky: No, that would be women in their 90s.
- Dana Hudson: Ok, so then we're getting into a grammar thing.