Roseanne (TV Series)
Stressed to Kill (1991)
Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner
Photos
Quotes
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Roseanne : We're talking about *me* now, Dan.
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Roseanne : [while trying to stop smoking, to a customer in the restaurant] You did too order salami! Yes you did! Yes you did! Then why'd you take a big ol' bite out of it?
Bonnie Watkins : [on the phone] Oh, she's doing much better, Dan.
Roseanne : Eat it or wear it!
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Roseanne : I am an obsessive compulsive addictive mess, Dan! I can't do anything just a little, I find something I like and I totally overdo it: eating, smoking, thank God for birth control.
Dan Conner : Amen.
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Roseanne : The problem is just me, Dan. I blame the kids, I blame money, but it's all bull. I am just weak.
Dan Conner : [coyly] That's why I married you, because you're so weak and frail.
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Dan Conner : [walks Roseanne into the bedroom] Tell me what happened.
Roseanne : Oh, then I called Leon a big doodie-face and he sent me home.
[collapses face down on the bed]
Dan Conner : [sprawls over her and massages her back] Did you smoke?
Roseanne : No. I did however eat seven thousand pickle chips.
Dan Conner : Thanks for the warning.
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Darlene Conner : High school is just learning lies and telling lies.
Roseanne Conner : Really? Then how come you ain't getting any A's?
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Roseanne Conner : We shouldn't even be watching TV, TV is the whole reason my generation learned to smoke.
Jackie Harris : Oh come on.
Roseanne Conner : No, I mean it. Lucy smoked, Desi smoked, Ward smoked, Make Room for Daddy smoked, Maxwell Smart smoked, #99, the Chief, Hymie, and he was a robot, but he smoked. Cathy smoked.
Jackie Harris : Patty didn't smoke.
Roseanne Conner : I know, but they made into a huge nerd. Rob smoked, Laura smoked, Buddy, Sally, Jerry... Millie smoked. Gomez and Morticia smoked. I'm not sure about Samantha but both Darrins smoked.