Roseanne (TV Series)

Suck Up or Shut Up (1994)

Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mark Healy : [Mark failed a test]  You, Mrs. Conner, you always thought I was stupid!

  Mark Healy : [hands her the test]  Now here's your proof. Go ahead, make your jokes.

  Roseanne Conner : Well, it's... really not funny now that we... know it's true. In fact, it's kinda saaad. Or at least... not as funny.

• Dan Conner : Oh... we've... just... gotta have *that* kid over more often. He makes our other kids... less odd.

  Roseanne Conner : I think every kid on earth looks less odd next to... Elijah Minelli.

• Leon Carp : No, no, no, no, no, no, no! We don't charge Mr. Mehlman, of Mehlman Restaurant Supplies. He's our "special friend".

  Roseanne Conner : Oh, a "special friend", huh? Well, the food is on the house! If you're sleeping with Leon, it's a miracle you can eat at all.

• Roseanne Conner : [Leon wants Jackie or Nancy to join the Lanford Women's Association]  So wait! Hold on a second! What about me, you know? I can join some group of stupid, snobby, stuck-up broads and... make friends.

• Roseanne Conner : [after Leon insults her]  Oh, now, Leon. I may not have your vast wealth of business experience, nor your great willingness to kiss butt, but I do have something else.

  Leon Carp : Really? And what might that be?

  Roseanne Conner : [pinches him hard on the chest]  Your nipple!

  Leon Carp : [knees buckle, he cries out]  Owwwwwwww!

• Roseanne Conner : [to Becky, who walks in wearing her skimpy waitress outfit]  So, did you make many tips tonight? Or won't you know 'til you shake out your underpants?

• Becky Conner-Healy : [about Mark]  Well, it like, the only time we get to spend together, is when he wakes me up when he gets home.

  Roseanne Conner : [about Dan]  Well, at least he's still polite enough to wake you up first.

• Becky Conner-Healy : [arguing over making Mark return to school]  I can't make him go! I don't control him!

  Roseanne Conner : What do you mean, you "don't control him"? You're his *wife*!

  Becky Conner-Healy : Yeah, but, I still can't make him go back! He doesn't even listen to me!

  Roseanne Conner : Well that's because you're not *yelling* loud enough!

• Roseanne Conner : [Mark's reading his homework]  Oh, well, I hate to ruin the end of it for ya, Mark, but he *eats* the green eggs and ham.