Roseanne (TV Series)

Two Down, One to Go (1993)

Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner

Photos 

Quotes 

• Darlene : Why is it so much harder to break up with a guy after you've slept with him?

  Roseanne : Well, all human beings connect sex and love... except for men.

• Darlene : Uh, Mom, can I talk to you a minute? I need to ask you a really big favor.

  Roseanne : Well let's see... I let you go to art school, and I let your boyfriend move in, oh yeah, and I gave you... life. Yeah, I guess I owe you one.

• Dan Conner : [about Darlene's ride to college]  You already told her David could take her.

  Roseanne : Yeah, I know... but so what! You could *forbid* me to do that.

  Dan Conner : [astonished]  In what universe?

• Roseanne : Please, Dan, please forbid me! I thought you were supposed to be the man of this house!

  Dan Conner : *No you did not*!

• Darlene : David and I slept together. Are you angry?

  Roseanne : I don't know, was I home at the time?

  Darlene : No.

  Roseanne : Were *you*?

  Darlene : Yes... I was careful.

  Roseanne : Well that's good.

  Darlene : Are you disappointed in me?

  Roseanne : No, not really. I kind of already knew.

  Darlene : You did?

  Roseanne : Yeah,

  [laughing nervously] 

  Roseanne : I just pretended I didn't so's I could, you know, live.

• Dan Conner : You're beautiful.

  Roseanne : You're horny!

  Dan Conner : So, do you want to be ribbed or tickled tonight?

  Roseanne : Let's not use nothing.

  Dan Conner : You don't think our lovemaking is dangerous enough?

  Roseanne : I want another kid. Maybe the fourth one will be one of them worker kids who support you in your old age and avenge your death like in movies and stuff.

  Dan Conner : Ooh, a fictional child.