- Bobby Bouchet: My biological parents were... John F. Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe.
- Mr. Blackwell: Interesting. The ones we've heard of?
- Bobby Bouchet: The President and the movie star, yes.
- Doug Henning: I resolve that each day will be filled with magical possibilities! And these possibilities, because they are magic, will be only illusions!
- Alan Arkin: What are you talking about?
- Doug Henning: [after Martin Short already played Doug Henning during a sketch, Rich Halls appears as Henning during Saturday Night News] Thank you, thank you. Oh, it's so wonderful to be here. Oh, and isn't it so amazing that there are two Doug Hennings on this show? Heh, heh, oh, that's my favorite illusion. You can never have enough Doug Hennings.
- Joe Franklin: Eh... Doug, Doug Henning, er, in your magic show, would you have a place for a young, sophisticated beauty like Daphne Clayton?
- Joe Franklin: Well, there's always room for beauty in the world of magic, Joe!