- Opera Man's Brother: [introducing his wife to his brother while singing opera] Opera Man, Gina. Gina, Opera Man.
- Opera Man: Kevin Nea-hee-lo-ho-ho-ho-on.
- Tori Spelling: I just don't understand this whole Luke Perry, Jason Priestly thing. They're cute, I guess, but calm down. I mean, I've slept with them both... it's in their contract. Thank you, daddy!
- Stuart Smalley: I'll be flying there a week from Friday and... this time I've written a little affirmation for my trip home, a little survival affirmation, which goes: when I go home to stay with my family, I will rent a car, so, you know, I can escape when I have to. Yes, 'cause last Christmas I was depending on my sister Jodi to drive me around but one of her three ex-husbands slashed her tires.