- Courtney Love: I stripped to survive, not because I'm some crazy, horny slut.
- Troy Levitz: Courtney was a crazy, horny slut. I tried to pay her, but she wouldn't accept any money. She'd say: 'What do I need money for? I got no pockets to put it in!" Yeah, she stripped for the sheer joy of it.
- Janet Reno: Who's there? If you're a prowler, I know 18 ways to kill a man. 19 if you count breaking his heart.
- [about the 1997 Marlins-Indians World Series]
- Norm Macdonald: Well Harry, you're talking a lot about the mascots, now what about the players?
- Harry Caray: They won't be a factor, trust me.
- Norm Macdonald: Finally, The Rolling Stones are back on tour again and Keith Richards says that he is thrilled to still be doing what he's been doing for twenty-five years: cheating death.
- Xena, Warrior Princess: [inner monologue] She reminds me of my old gym teacher... she makes me wanna buy a mountain bike and write angry folksongs.
- Sissy Golord: [the Golords are being attacked by Bill Gate's hight tech robots] No use, Mike, what'll we do?
- Mike Golord: Try nudity, sis. Robots can't deal with nakeness.
- Sissy Golord: Are you sure?
- Mike Golord: I read it in Omni. Do it!