- Norm Macdonald: Who are safer drivers? Men or women? Well, according to a new survey, 55% of adults feel that women are most responsible for minor fenderbenders, while 78% blame men for most fatal crashes. Please note that the percentages in these pie graphs do not add up to 100% because the math was done by a woman.
- [audience laughs or hisses]
- Norm Macdonald: For those of you hissing at that joke, it should be uh noted that that joke was written by a woman. So, now you don't know what the hell to do, do ya? Nah, I'm just kidding. We don't hire women.
- Leon Phelps: Don't worry, the Ladies Man is here to help you. Now, um, medically speaking, just how dinky is your wang?
- Norm Macdonald: This week, computer hackers broke into Yahoo!, the internet's most popular website, and vowed to unleash a crippling computer virus if a fellow hacker is not released from prison. Experts warn that these, that catching these cyber terrorists will not be an easy task, and may require the cooperation of both nerds and geeks.
- Bill Gates: So, effective immediately, Microsoft has officially merged with Christmas. So from now on, if you wanna celebrate Christmas, you must own Windows 95. And if you're a Mac user, you're now Jewish.
- Leon Phelps: Okay, then, well, I guess that means that we are out of time here on the Ladies Man. Which, eh, makes me kind of curious. Uhm, Charlene, what are your plans for this evening?
- Charlene: You said you were gonna take me to dinner and a movie tonight, Leon.
- Leon Phelps: Oh yeah, well, um.. when I said "dinner", what I meant was, uh, we'd be having sex. And, uh, when I said "movie", I meant we'd be videotaping it.
- Charlene: Sounds good to me!