Saturday Night Live (TV Series)

Louis Gossett Jr/George Thorogood & The Destroyers (1982)

Mr. T: Mr. T

Quotes 

• Mrs. T. : [Commercial for Mr. & Mrs. T Bloody Mary Mix] 

  [shouting] 

  Mrs. T. : If you're as mean as me and my husband, Mr. T, you should be drinking Mr. & Mrs. T Bloody Mary Mix! I pity the fool that doesn't drink it! I pitty the fool! Ain't that right, Mr. T?

  Mr. T. : I pity the fool!

  Mrs. T. : Now if you want the real Bloody Mary, you come to my apartment tonight, I'll show you a real Bloody Mary! You hear?

  Mr. T. : She showed me!

  Mrs. T. : Settle down, old man, and lemme finish! The strategy for a real bloody Mary is three parts Mr. & Mrs. T's Bloody Mary Mix, and one part vodka! Then you drink it down!

  [She chugs the drink and wipes off her mouth] 

  Mrs. T. : That's mean! Now if any man says to me he doesn't like Mr. & Mrs. T's Bloody Mary Mix, I say to him: Shut up, old man! Shut up! And then I kill him to death, I kill the man! But I pity him first. It's a bloody shame. It's Mr. & Mrs. T Bloody Mary Mix!

  Mr. T. : Buy it or I'll kill ya!

• Mister Robinson : See what these are, boys and girls? They're drums. That's a musical instrument, you know. Do you know where drums come from? From Africa. Know where these drums come from? Smokey Robinson was at the Apollo Theater and left his van open in the back of the place. I ripped him off. I wonder how Smokey's gonna sound with no percussion? Do you know what drums sound like, boys and girls? Listen:

  [begins playing and singing] 

  Mister Robinson : It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight, rising up to the challenge of our rival...

  [phone rings] 

  Mister Robinson : That's the telephone, boys and girls. Lets see who it can be.

  [picks up the pone and shouts] 

  Mister Robinson : Who is it? What? Nah, that ain't loud, this is loud:

  [Blows a whistle into the phone] 

  Mister Robinson : Now where were we, boys and girls?

  [sits down and begins playing the drums again] 

  Mr. T. : [Beating on the door]  Robinson! Robinson! I know you're in there, stop beatin' them drums! You hear me?

  Mister Robinson : That's my new neighbor, byt don't be scared, boys and girls, I just installed a new lock. He'll never get in here.

  [Starts playing the drums again] 

  Mr. T. : [Kicks in door, walks in and grabs Mr. Robinson by the neck]  Hello, boys and girls; the new word for today, is 'pain'.

  [to Mr. Robinson] 

  Mr. T. : Sing the song.

  Mister Robinson : [struggling to sing with very high voice]  A very happy tomorrow to you.

  Mr. T. : [choking Robinson]  Good night, boys and girls.