Scrubs (TV Series)

My Monster (2002)

Zach Braff: Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian

Photos 

Quotes 

• J.D. : You know Perry...

  Dr. Cox : Perry?

  J.D. : Yeah, I'm tryin' it out. I find that with the ladies, if you're clear with you're intentions right off the bat, they just fall into place. AQ?

  Dr. Cox : What?

  J.D. : AQ is sort of a new hit expression meaning "any questions"?

  Dr. Cox : Look, don't think I'm impressed because you managed to score a sympathy date with whatever homely-looking girl is managing the gift shop right now.

  Lisa : [comes from behind and Dr. Cox is left speechless on seeing her]  JD, you ready to go?

  J.D. : Oh, yeah, the word you're looking for is 'wow' and the words I'm looking for are in your face.

  [while leaving] 

  J.D. : PO, peace out.

• J.D. : Morning, Dr. Cox!

  Dr. Cox : He he, Denise, I know it's morning, if it was still last night I'd still be with my extremely pregnant ex wife trying to calm her down with a chair and a whip because I somehow managed to forget to bring home *the curly fries*. Do ya see where I'm going here? Yes? no? Maybe so?

  [whistles] 

• J.D. : [narrating to himself]  You never expect a cliche to be an actual conversation starter.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : Women... huh?

  Dr. Cox : Tell me about it...

  J.D. : It's like they're from another planet!

  Dr. Cox : OK... I'm going to engage you two in a conversation you will speak of it to no one. Agreed?

  J.D. : OK.

  Dr. Cox : It has gotten to the point where I'm starting to go back in my head over all my old relationships. I mean, don't get me wrong; I'm not like I'm going to sit here and count up all the women I've ever slept with...

  Dr. Christopher Turk : 12

  J.D. : 9

  Dr. Cox : ...18. But not one of them ever really understood me.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : I'm feeling you, man. I consider myself a really romantic guy who's a little stressed out; and I thought the one person who'd understand that would be Carla.

  Dr. Cox : The weird thing is that I'm actually trying this time.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : I just wonder if I'm what she really wants...

  Dr. Cox : I just wonder if I'll ever be able to make it work out with anyone...

  J.D. : My peep's on the fritz...

  Dr. Christopher Turk : Dude!

  [laughs] 

  Dr. Cox : [loughs too]  Poor Newbie...

  Dr. Christopher Turk : [continuing to laugh]  Oh, oh, oh...

  J.D. : [Embarassed]  No, no, no, no, no, no! No! I'm talking about you, guys! Y... You guys... you guys are, like, my peeps, my dogs... and... you're on the fritz, so... that's where I get "peeps"... "fritz" came from...

  Dr. Cox : God love you, Newbie...

  Dr. Christopher Turk : [whistles] 

  Dr. Cox : Thank you for... giving me some prospective.

• Elliot : My life is a mess!

  J.D. : At least you're pretty.

  Elliot : Yeah, well, pretty don't pay the rent!

  Carla : It does for my sister.

  Elliot : Oh, my God, your sister's a prostitute?

  Carla : She's a model. Come on, Elliot, we talked about thinking before we speak.

• Elliot : [Elliot is giving J.D. a physical]  Any shortness of breath, nausea or burning sensation while peeing?

  J.D. : No, no, and... does it count when it whistles?

  Elliot : Funny. Are you currently sexually active?

  J.D. : Oh, it's active all right.

  Elliot : I'll write rare dry spell in the margin.

• Dr. Elliot Reid : Huh! I put all those fliers up, and nobody wants me to live with them!

  J.D. : Oh, come on, Elliot. I'm sure you'll eventually find a roommate who's a

  [reading] 

  J.D. : clean, non-smoking vegetarian that rinses the shower thoroughly after each usage.

  Dr. Elliot Reid : Oh, well, if you don't, it gets mildewy.

• J.D. : So, it appears Mrs. Watson has developed a post-op infection at her thyroidectomy site.

  [pokes Mrs. Watson's neck] 

  Mrs. Watson : Ow!

  Dr. Cox : Newbie, when a patient has an infection, I make it a general policy not to actually push on it. Just start Ansef one gram Q 8 hours, and, oh, my god, did I just ask my ex-wife to move in with me?

  J.D. : [sassily]  Mm-hmm.

  Nurse Roberts : [looks at JD questioningly] 

  J.D. : What? You don't own that.

  Dr. Cox : Oh...