Scrubs (TV Series)

My Rite of Passage (2006)

John C. McGinley: Dr. Perry Cox

Quotes 

• Jordan Sullivan : Let's go Per!

  Dr. Perry Cox : I've been waiting for an hour.

  Jordan Sullivan : I know, I was leafing though a magazine and watching you on the security cameras. My favorite part is when you said "Screw her!" and then you stormed out, but then you came back because you realized:

  [waves keys] 

  Jordan Sullivan : I have the keys!

  Dr. Perry Cox : Jordan. Now that you work here *h-every* day, if the carpool torturing persists, I'm gonna put a plexi-glass separator right down the middle of the car so you can't drive me crazy - you can't, you can't, you can't. Unfortunately your door handle doesn't work from the inside, which simply means that if we're in a fiery crash you won't be able to get out. Eeh, whatever.

  [Jordan walks off while Cox is still speaking. He doesn't notice] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : That's a risk I'm sure willing to take.

  [looks up to see Jordan gone] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : Jorderoo?

  [Jordan is watching Dr. Cox on the security monitor] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : Hello?

  Jordan Sullivan : I'm in here! You can't see me!

  Dr. Perry Cox : Jordan!

• Dr. Christopher Turk : How do I know this guy?

  Dr. Perry Cox : Maybe you used to date him?

  Dr. Christopher Turk : Oh that's so clever. I'm gay! Wow! It's good!

  Dr. Perry Cox : I'm tired.

• Dr. Perry Cox : Oh. Would everyone please watch this? Because nobody, but nobody, cries like Sammy. He leads off with the Chin Quiver.

  [Thompson does so] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : Then he goes right to the Look Away.

  [Thompson drops his eyes, and waves off Jordan's hand on his shoulder] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : He tries to hold it back but he just can't because there's too much pain!

  [Thompson's body shudders] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : And then finally, he squeezes out one single... tear

  [mock cries and leads the applause] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : ... Ladies and gentlemen, that is some quality Crack Addict Theatre!

  Dr. Christopher Turk : I can't watch this.

  Nurse Roberts : Then move your big, bald biscuit head! Some of us don't have cable.

• Dr. John "J.D." Dorian : [Dr. Cox has put J.D. in time-out]  I'm an attending!

  Dr. Perry Cox : Tell it to the wall, newbie.

• Jordan Sullivan : Sam? What are you doing back here?

  Sam Thompson : Hey, lambchop. Uh, crazy story - I was, uh, I was taking a bus to my plane ticket, there was an accident, and thank God I'm alive. I'd hug you but I, uh, uuuggghhh!

  [wiggles handcuffed hand and chuckles] 

  Dr. Kelso : Jordan. This is one of our most famous con artist-slash-drug addicts.

  Sam Thompson : Nice to see you, sir.

  Dr. Kelso : You as well. Turkleton? You've dealt with him before.

  Sam Thompson : Hey, dude!

  Dr. Kelso : why didn't you tell her?

  Dr. Christopher Turk : [Pointing at Cox]  'Cause he told me not to!

  Dr. Perry Cox : This is gonna cost you.

• Dr. Perry Cox : It's a rite of passage that you have to go through around here to be accepted.

  Jordan Sullivan : Oh my God! You actually did something nice for me!

  Dr. Perry Cox : No, no. No-no-no-no-no-no-no. It was a selfish act. If other people talk to you, you won't have to talk to me!

• Dr. Perry Cox : Jordan, you have to make other friends in this place. For the love of God, the only respite I get from you is when we're making love and I pretend you're someone else.

  Jordan Sullivan : Yeah, I usually pretend we're DOING something else.