Scrubs (TV Series)

My Sacrificial Clam (2002)

Zach Braff: Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian

Photos 

Quotes 

• J.D. : [JD walks into a room with a chart and starts talking to his four patients]  Alrighty, what do we have here?

  Dr. Douglas : What you've got here young man are four cases of Legionnaires pneumonia.

  Dr. Lamar : So I would start us out on IV aminoglycosides.

  Dr. Bailey : And make sure you check for urinary legionella antigen.

  Dr. Franklyn : I don't know it could be viral considering my gastrointestinal situation.

  Dr. Bailey : Here comes the fart joke.

  Dr. Franklyn : No no no, really, I think I could have strep/numo.

  Dr. Douglas : All four of us are doctors.

  J.D. : Let me guess, golf cart accident?

• Dr. Elliot Reid : I can't find my scrubs top! I must have left it at Sean's.

  J.D. : [Voice over]  The curse of the scrubs machine - one of the hospital's most annoying money savers. The only way to get clean scrubs out is to put dirty ones in.

  [Out loud] 

  J.D. : How can I help?

  Dr. Elliot Reid : Give me your shirt.

  J.D. : How else can I help?

  Dr. Elliot Reid : [Glares]  Just go!

  J.D. : Okay.

• Mr. Winston : I asked for a newspaper, and they gave me a bunch of Judy Blume books from Pediatrics.

  J.D. : I don't know anything about those.

  [He watches to make sure Carla has thoroughly left before adding] 

  J.D. : You have to read "Tales of the Fourth Grade Nothing" - completely turned high school around for me!

• J.D. : [Voice over]  It's a weird feeling when you realize you've lost the respect of four people all at once. But it's nothing compared to losing respect for yourself.

• J.D. : You knew I was scared. Why didn't you just tell me to go in there and deal with it?

  Dr. Cox : Well, gosh, Newbie, I don't know what it was about that day. Maybe I hadn't had enough sleep. Maybe my mind was on other things. Maybe I didn't have enough fiber in my diet, and I failed to do my morning business. I don't know what the hell it was, but the bottom line is I didn't feel like spelling it out for you. And I know, I know, you want your little speech, and that's fine because here it is: You're a doctor. You might get sick. Get over it.