Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Burning (1998)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

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Quotes 

• Elaine : Here's one. I borrowed Puddy's car and all the presets on his radio were Christian rock stations.

  George Costanza : I like Christian rock. It's very positive. It's not like those real musicians who think they're so cool and hip.

  Elaine : So you think that Puddy actually believes in something?

  Jerry : It's a used car, he probably never changed the presets.

  Elaine : Yes, he is lazy.

  Jerry : Plus, he probably doesn't know how to program the buttons.

  Elaine : Yes, he is dumb.

  Jerry : So you prefer dumb and lazy to religious?

  Elaine : Dumb and lazy, I understand.

• Jerry : Sophie, it's me! I know about the tractor story! And I'm fine with it!

  Sophie : How could you know?

  Jerry : Shhh! Shhh! But I'm not going to let something like this ruin what could be a meaningful relationship.

  Mickey Abbott : [Kramer and Mickey enter]  You gave me gonorrhea and you didn't even tell me!

  Cosmo Kramer : I gave you gonorrhea because I thought you'd have fun with it!

  Mickey Abbott : Well, you should have told me!

  Jerry : I'm with somebody!

  Sophie : No, I understand! This can be a difficult thing to deal with! But the important thing is that you have a partner who's supportive.

  Cosmo Kramer : You know, she's right.

  Sophie : But of course, I didn't have a partner. I got gonorrhea from a tractor.

  Jerry : You got gonorrhea from a tractor? And you call that the tractor story?

  Sophie : Yeah, my boyfriend said I got it because I was riding the tractor in my bathing suit.

  Jerry : [stunned]  All right, that's it for me. You've been great. Good night everybody!

  [leaves] 

• Elaine : Well, I'm going to hell.

  Jerry : That sounds about right. Hey, did you hear the one about the guy in hell with the coffee and the donuts?

  Elaine : Jerry, I'm not in the mood.

  George Costanza : [to the waitress]  I'll have some coffee and a donut.

• Jerry : Hey, so Sophie gave me the "It's me" on the phone today.

  Elaine : "It's me?" Isn't it a little premature?

  Jerry : I thought so.

  Elaine : Hah. She's not a me. *I'm* a me.

• Sophie : [on Jerry's answering machine]  Hey Jerry, it's me. Call me back.

  Jerry : Sophie.

  George Costanza : She's still doing that?

  Jerry : Yep.

  George Costanza : Alright, I'll tell you what you do. You call her back and give HER the "It's me", heh? Pull the old switcheroo.

  Jerry : I think that's a "What's good for the goose is good for the gander."

  George Costanza : What the hell is a gander, anyway?

  Jerry : It's a goose that's had the old switcheroo pulled on it.

• George Costanza : I had 'em Jerry. They loved me.

  Jerry : And then?

  George Costanza : I lost them. I can usually come up with one good comment during a meeting, but by the end, it's buried under a pile of gaffs and bad puns.

  Jerry : Showmanship, George. When you hit that high note, say goodnight and walk off.

• Jerry : No no, he's pretending he's got gonorrhea so med students can diagnose it.

  Cosmo Kramer : And it's a waste of my talent. It's just a little burning. Mickey, he got bacterial meningitis.

  George Costanza : Well I guess there are no small diseases, only small actors.

  [Kramer, Elaine and Jerry laugh] 

  George Costanza : Alright, that's it for me. goodnight everybody.

  [exits] 

  Elaine : What was that?

  Jerry : Showmanship. George is trying to get out on a high note.