Seinfeld (TV Series)
The Library (1991)
Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld
Photos
Quotes
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Jerry : [returning book] Any way, I hope there's no hard feelings.
Lt. Bookman : Hard feelings, what do you know about hard feelings? Ever have a man die in your arms? Ever kill somebody?
Jerry : What is your problem?
Lt. Bookman : What's my problem, punks like you, that's my problem. And you better not screw up again Seinfeld, because if you do, I'll be all over you like a Pit Bull on a Poodle.
[quit exit]
Jerry : That is one tough monkey.
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Jerry : This woman's completely ignoring me.
Kramer : Look at her. This is a lonely woman looking for companionship... spinster... maybe a virgin... maybe she got hurt a long time ago. She was a schoolgirl. There was a boy It didn't work out. Now she needs a little tenderness. She needs a little understanding. She needs a little Kramer.
Jerry : And eventually a little shot of penicillin.
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[first lines]
Jerry : Does it seem to you that the ventriloquist dummy has a very active sexual-social life? He's always talking about dates and women that he knows and bringing them back to the suitcase at night. There's always a sawdust joke in there somewhere, you know. He says kinky things because he's made out of wood and he can spin his head around. We're somehow expected to believe, because the face is so animated, that they think we're not noticing that the feet are just swinging there. Dummy feet never look really right, do they? They're just kind of dangling there. They're always kind of askew, you know? And you always just see a little ankle, those little, thin, fabric ankles that they have, you know. You think, "I don't think this thing is real."
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[last lines]
Jerry : Any day that you had gym was a weird school day. You know what I mean? Because it, like, started off kind of normal. You'd have, like, English, geometry, social studies, and then suddenly, you're like in Lord of the Flies for 40 minutes, you know? You're hanging from a rope. You have hardly any clothes on. Teachers are yelling at you, "Where's your jockstrap?" You know, and kids are throwing dodge balls at you. You're trying to survive. Then it's history, science, language. There's something off in the whole flow of that day.
