Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Boyfriend (1992)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• George Costanza : [George rushes into Jerry's apartment]  Did anybody call here asking for Vandelay Industries?

  Jerry : No, what happened to you?

  George Costanza : All right, listen closely, I was at the unemployment office and I told them I was very close to getting a job with Vandelay Industries, and I gave them your phone number. So now, when the phone rings, you have to answer "Vandelay Industries".

  Jerry : I'm Vandelay Industries?

  George Costanza : Right.

  Jerry : What is that?

  George Costanza : You're in latex.

  Jerry : What do I do with latex?

  George Costanza : I don't know, you manufacture it.

  Elaine : [laughing]  Right here in this little apartment?

  Jerry : And what do I say about you?

  George Costanza : You're considering hiring me for your latex salesman.

  Jerry : I'm gonna hire you as my latex salesman?

  [chuckling] 

  Jerry : I don't think so. Why would I do that?

  George Costanza : [angrily]  Because I asked you to.

  Jerry : If you think I'm looking for someone to just sit at a desk, pushing papers around, you can forget it. I get enough headaches just trying to manufacture the stuff.

• Jerry : Unfortunately the immutable laws of physics contradict the whole premise of your account. Allow me to reconstruct this if I may for Miss Benes as I've heard this story a number of times. Newman, Kramer, if you'll indulge me. According to your story Keith passes you and starts walking up the ramp. Then you say you were struck on the right temple. The spit then proceeds to ricochet off the temple striking Newman between the third and forth rib. The spit then came off the rib turned and hit Newman in the right wrist causing him to drop his baseball cap. The spit then splashed off the wrist, pauses in mid-air, mind you, makes a left turn and lands on Newman's left thigh. THAT is one magic loogie!

• Jerry Seinfeld : [Sees George lying on the ground with his pants down around his ankles after unsuccessfully running from the bathroom to answer the phone call from his caseworker]  And you want to be my latex salesman!

• George Costanza : Magellan? You like Magellan?

  Jerry Seinfeld : Oh yeah, my favorite explorer. Around the world? Come on. Why, who do you like?

  George Costanza : De Soto.

  Jerry Seinfeld : De Soto, why De Soto?

  George Costanza : He discovered the Mississippi.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Oh, like they wouldn't have found it anyway.

• Jerry Seinfeld : So, did you two, uh, have uh...

  Elaine Benes : What?

  Jerry Seinfeld : You know.

  Elaine Benes : Milk?

  Jerry Seinfeld : No.

  Elaine Benes : Cookies?

• Jerry Seinfeld : I have a friend who's unemployed. He's collecting unemployment insurance. This guy has never worked this hard in his life to keep this thing going. He's down there every week waiting on the lines and getting interviewed and making up all these lies about looking for jobs. If they had any idea the effort and energy that he is expending to avoid work, I'm sure they'd give him a raise. I'm sure of it. The guy is doing a tremendous job... not working.

• [first lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : See, to me, you go to the health club, you see all these people, and they're working out, and they're training, and they're getting in shape, but the strange thing is, nobody's really getting in shape for anything. The only reason that you're getting in shape is that so you can get through the workout. So we're working out so that we'll be in shape for when we have to do our exercise. This is the whole thing. The other thing I don't get about it is why we're so careful about locking up our dirty towels and smelly jockstraps. What exactly is the black market on these disgusting gym clothes?