Seinfeld (TV Series)

The Pony Remark (1991)

Jerry Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld

Photos 

Quotes 

• Cosmo Kramer : What, you don't think I can, huh?

  Jerry Seinfeld : Oh, no, it's not that I don't think you can. I know that you can't and I'm positive that you won't.

• Jerry Seinfeld : Who leaves a country packed with ponies to come to a non-pony country. It doesn't make sense.

• [last lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : What is the pony? What is the point of the pony? Why do we have these animals, these ponies? What do we do with them, besides the pony ride? Why ponies? What are we doing with them? I mean, police don't use them for, you know, crowd control. "Hey, uh, you want to get back behind the barricades? Hey. Hey, little boy. Yeah, I'm talking to you. Just... Behind the barricades." So somebody, I assume, genetically engineered these ponies. Do you think they could make them any size? Could they make them, like, the size of a quarter if they wanted? That would be fun for Monopoly, though, wouldn't it? Just have a little pony, and you put him on the... Baltic. That's two down, go ahead.

• [first lines] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : My parents live in Florida now. They moved there last year. They didn't want to move to Florida, but they're in their 60s, and that's the law. You know how it works. They got the leisure police. They pull up in front of the old people's house with the golf cart, jump out, "Let's go, Pop! White belt, white pants, white shoes! Get in the back! Drop the snow shovel! Right there! Drop it!" I am not much for the family gathering. You ever sit there, and the conversation's so boring, it's so dull? And you start to fantasize. You know, you think, what if I just... got up and jumped out that window? Just crash right through the glass, you know? Come back in. There's broken glass, everybody's all upset. "No, I'm all right. I was a little bored there. No, I'm fine. I came back. I wanted to hear a little more about that Hummel collection, Aunt Rose. Let's pick it up right there."

• Elaine Benes : Makes you wonder, doesn't it?

  Jerry Seinfeld : Wonder about what?

  Elaine Benes : You know, the spirit world.

  Jerry Seinfeld : What, you think Manya

  [her spirit] 

  Jerry Seinfeld : showed up during the game and put a hex on me?

  Elaine Benes : I have never seen anyone play so bad like that.

  Jerry Seinfeld : But I went to the funeral!

  Elaine Benes : Yeah, but that doesn't make up for "killing" her!

• Jerry Seinfeld : In all the pictures I saw of immigrants on boats coming into New York harbor, I never saw one of them sitting on a pony.

• Jerry Seinfeld : Horses. They're like big riding dogs.

  Elaine Benes : What about ponies, huh? What kind of abnormal animal is that? And those kids who had their own ponies.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Oh, I know. I hated those kids. In fact, I hate anyone that ever had a pony when they were growing up.

  Manya : I had a pony.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Well, I didn't really mean a pony per se.

  Manya : When I was a little girl in Poland... we all had ponies. My sister had pony. My cousin had pony. So, what's wrong with that?

  Jerry Seinfeld : Nothing, nothing at all. I was just merely expressing...

  Helen Seinfeld : Should we have some coffee? Who's having coffee?

  Manya : He was a beautiful pony, and I loved him.

  Jerry Seinfeld : Well, I'm sure you did. Who wouldn't love a pony? Who wouldn't love a person that had a pony?

  Manya : You! You said so.

  Jerry Seinfeld : No, see, we didn't have ponies. I'm sure at that time in Poland, they were very common. They were... probably like compact cars.

  Manya : That's it! I had enough!

  Isaac : Have your coffee, everybody. She's a little upset. It's been an emotional day.

  Jerry Seinfeld : I didn't know she had a pony. How was I to know she had a pony? Who figures an immigrant is gonna have a pony? Do you know what the odds are on that? I mean, in all the pictures I saw of immigrants on boats... coming into New York Harbor... I never saw one of them sittin' on a pony. But why would anyone come here if they had a pony? Who leaves a country packed with ponies to come to a non-pony country? It doesn't make sense. Am I wrong?