The Simpsons (TV Series)

Colonel Homer (1992)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Yodellin' Zeke, Barney Gumble, Krusty the Clown, Hillbilly #2, Compere

Quotes 

• Homer : Marge, you're standing in the way of my boyhood dream of managing a beautiful country singer.

  Marge : Your boyhood dream was to eat the world's biggest hoagie, and you did it at the county fair last year, remember?

• Homer : Guess what, Lurleen. I got you a gig on TV.

  Lurleen Lumpkin : Oh, Homer, you're as smart as you are handsome.

  Homer : Hey! Oh, you meant that as a compliment.

• Lurleen Lumpkin : Oh, Homer, no man's ever been nice to me without, you know, wantin' something in return.

  Homer : Well, I was going to ask you for a glass of water, but now I kind of feel guilty about it.

• Homer : Marge, it takes two to lie - one to lie, and one to listen.

  Marge : What does *that* mean?

• Lurleen Lumpkin : You're just a big sack of sugar.

  Homer : Thanks!... You did say "sugar," right?

• Homer : I'm sorry, Lurleen. All I wanted to do was share your beautiful voice with other people, and I've done that. Now, I'd better get out of here before I lose my family.

  [Homer walks out a door, then comes back] 

  Homer : Just so I don't wonder, you would have gone all the way with me, wouldn't you?

  Lurleen Lumpkin : Uh-huh.

  Homer : [disappointed]  Ooh. Okay.

• Homer : Lurleen, wait.

  Lurleen Lumpkin : Yeah?

  Homer : I just wanted to say your song touched me deeply in a way I've never felt before... and which way to the can?

• Homer : Do you have your songs on a CD?

  Lurleen Lumpkin : Sorry. Al my songs are up here.

  [referring to her head] 

  Lurleen Lumpkin : "I'm Basting a Turkey With my Tears", "Don't Look Up my Dress Unless You Mean It", "I'm Sick of Your Lyin' Lips and False Teeth".

• Marge : I don't like you hanging around some cocktail waitress.

  Homer : Marge, you make it sound so seemy. All I did is spent an afternoon in her trailer watching her try on some outfits.

• Homer : [to Marge]  Is there any room in that bed for a dadburned fool?

  Marge : Always has been.

• Marge : [about Lurleen]  I thought you said she was overweight.

  Homer : Marge, it takes two to lie: one to lie and one to listen.

• Recording Technician : You know, this studio has got alot of history. Buddy Holly once stood on this spot in 1958 and said, "there is no way in hell that I am going to record in this dump."

  Homer : I'm sure Lurleen'll love it.

• Homer : oh wait i heard how this ends it turns out the secert code is the same nursery rhyme he told his daughter.