The Simpsons (TV Series)

Insane Clown Poppy (2000)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Louie, Author, Krusty, Frankie the Squealer

Quotes 

• Bart Simpson : [sees an exhibit of the famous Dummies books]  Ah, finally, some books for today's busy idiots. "Network Programming for Dummies". "Christianity for Dummies". "Moby Dick"? "Call me Ishmael, dummy." How did you write all these books?

  Dummies author : Duh, I don't know. Me got to go to the bank now.

• Sophie's Mom : My God, I'm late for my mission!

  Krusty : Here's your mission: get down with the clown.

  [amorously] 

  Krusty : Oh, come on, baby.

  Sophie's Mom : No, not now! I'm supposed to assassinate Saddam.

  Krusty : Wait a minute, you can't kill Saddam. He's half my act!

• Homer : Dear Lord, bless this humble meal. And did you hear about Krusty?

  [laughing] 

  Homer : Whoo, man. I mean, I knew he was a player, but, jeez, a kid?

  Marge : Homer, that's not a prayer. That's gossip.

  Homer : Fine, I'll just discuss heavenly matters. So, how's Maude Flanders doing up there? Is she playing the field? Ooh, yeah, really? All those guys?

  [seeing the family staring in mortification] 

  Homer : Amen.

• Krusty : [excited about a poker hand]  Oh, what a lousy hand. I'll stand.

  Fat Tony : I raise. Two G's.

  Moe : I'm out.

  Snake : Fold-o-rama.

  Homer : Can we make this hand high-low?

  Fat Tony : No.

  Homer : I'm out.

  Fat Tony : Krusty, are you in or are you out?

  Krusty : [checking his wallet]  Oh, man, I'm totally tapped. Would you consider taking my Rolex?

  Fat Tony : [revealing a watch on his wrist]  You mean this one?

  Krusty : Oh, yeah, right. Just let me go to my car.

  Fat Tony : [as Krusty leaves, Homer starts singing "Whimoweh"]  Don't do that.

• Lisa : Dad! Dad!

  Homer : [talking with Krusty]  Just a second, honey. Daddy's on his high horse.

  Lisa : [in the ocean, a manta ray circles her]  DAD!

  Homer : [not really listening]  Yeah, I'm watching, honey. Nice cannonball.

• Sophie : I was hoping maybe we could do some stuff together like go to the beach and junk.

  Krusty : Look, you're a sweet kid, but I'm not exactly father material. I curse, I gamble, I pick fights with homeless people. I...

  [tears well up in her eyes] 

  Krusty : What's wrong with your eyes? You need a Claritin or something?

  [her lip trembles] 

  Krusty : Oh, all right. You get one trip to the beach, with my assistant.

  [her face falls] 

  Krusty : Okay, I'll take you.

• Krusty : [performing at the USO during the Gulf War]  Saddam Hussein? They should call him "So Damn Insane". Ha ha...

  Soldier#1 : Hey, you're just fanning the flames of hatred.

  Krusty : [trying to laugh it off]  Yeah, yeah, yeah... Now, just when you thought the desert couldn't get any hotter, it's the Cincinnati Bengal cheerleaders!

  Soldier #2 : Hey, I can't look at that. I have a girlfriend back home.

  Soldier #3 : This is an insult to our Muslim hosts.

• Krusty : [at a book signing]  Name?

  Bart Simpson : Hey, it's me, Bart.

  [Krusty stares confused] 

  Bart Simpson : Your biggest fan.

  Krusty : Hey, good for you, 'cause I wanna... know that all my fans are all...

  [he mumbles under his breath] 

  Bart Simpson : [looking at the autograph]  "K the C"?

  Krusty : Hey, this pen's gotta last me all day. Now, if you could...

  [ushering him out of the way] 

  Krusty : Up, bup, bup, bup, bup. Yeah.

• Homer : [finishing a list of household chores]  And now, the grand finale. "Get Lisa's jammed tape out of VCR."

  [the VCR is jammed with fireworks] 

  Homer : Ah, wait... wait a minute.

  [a inserts a final, small one in] 

  Homer : There.

  [Bart lights the fuse] 

  Homer : [taking cover]  Fire in the hole!

  [explosion] 

  Homer : Hmm. It's gonna take a lot of fireworks to clean this place up.

  Lisa : [seeing the mess and gasping]  What's going on here?

  Homer : Uh, honey... there's a point in every father's life when he blows up his daughter's room.

  Lisa : Oh, yeah? You didn't blow up Maggie's room.

  [muffled explosion from another room] 

• Krusty : [at the beach with Sophie, putting on a sleep mask]  Okay, kid, there's the water. Knock yourself out.

  Sophie : Come on, Dad. Let's go bodysurfing or boogie boarding.

  Krusty : Listen, kid, I'm not the kind of dad who, you know, does things or says stuff or looks at you. But the love is there.

  [kissing his hand] 

  Krusty : Where are you? Give Daddy a clue.

  [she puts his hand on her cheek] 

  Krusty : Oh, that's my girl.

  Sophie : Okay, you just sit there and I'll throw the Frisbee to you.

  Krusty : Oof, I gotta sit up now? What am I, Baryshnikov?

• Krusty : [stopping Sophie's mom from assassinating Saddam Hussein]  I just saved my baseball bit. Who's Sayin's on first, Iya Tol'ya's on second, and...

  Sophie's Mom : [jumping on him and choking him]  You stupid clown!

  Krusty : [the flashback ends]  When I came to, she was gone and the war had been over for eight months. Anyway, how'd you finally find me?

  Sophie : All Mom ever said was my father was some pathetic clown. So typed "pathetic clown" into a search engine and your name popped right up.

• Krusty : Name?

  Sophie : My name is Sophie.

  Krusty : Hey, good luck with that.

  Sophie : I'm your daughter.

  Krusty : WHAAA...?

  Sophie : [hugging him]  I finally found my daddy.

  Krusty : Ohh...

  [glancing at his pants] 

  Krusty : I think I just seltzered myself.

  [John Updike snickers] 

  Krusty : Shut up, Updike!

• Krusty : Kid, I gotta admit, you're starting to grow on me.

  Sophie : Same here, Dad. It's nice that you don't always have to be on.

  Krusty : I thought I was on! When was I off? That bit about the tide pool? I tell you, it killed at Jacques Cousteau's funeral.

  Sophie : [taking out a violin]  Dad, relax. Just enjoy the sunset.

  Krusty : [she starts to play]  Hey, I know that song. My dad used to play it when I was a boy.

  [sniffling] 

  Krusty : It's beautiful.

  Sophie : Do you play?

  Krusty : No, I guess musical talent skips a generation, like diabetes. Might want to watch out for that, too.

• Krusty : My little girl's sharp as a tack. I tried the "got your nose" bit on her, didn't fool her for a second.

  Homer : My uncle still has my nose.

• Homer : [stuffing a watermelon with fireworks]  This watermelon won't know what hit it.

  Bart Simpson : I love our Tuesdays together, Dad.

  [he lights the fuse, and they take cover to watch it explode] 

  Marge : [sticking her head out the kitchen window with melon bits in her hair]  Don't you two have a list of chores to do?

  Bart Simpson : Hey, we just took care of that dangerous melon that was threatening our garden.

  Homer : Yeah, we're heroes. But where's our parade?

• Homer : [trying to open a stuck drawer]  Oh, it's hopeless.

  Bart Simpson : [holding up a firecracker]  Or is it?

  Homer : Yeah, it's hopeless.

  Bart Simpson : [more emphatically]  I said, "or is it?"

  Homer : I said, it's...

  [seeing what he means] 

  Homer : Oh.

  Marge : [just as he's about to light it]  Homer, what are you doing?

  Homer : Listen, do you want the job done right or do you want it done fast?

  Marge : Well, like all Americans, fast, but...

  Bart Simpson : [lighting the fuse]  Clear!

  [the explosion blows the drawer out] 

  Marge : [putting it back in and testing opening and closing it]  Hmm. Well, you can't argue with results.

• Sophie : Mom, I had the best time! Can Dad come in for milk and cookies?

  Krusty : Why, I'd love to... Whoa!

  [seeing all the anti-clown art in the apartment, he groans nervously] 

  Krusty : Oskar Homolka! That's okay. I think I'll go somewhere friendlier, like beautiful downtown Grozny!

• Krusty : Book writing. What a scam, huh? It's only 20 pages long. And this guy wrote it for me. What's your name again?

  John Updike : John Updike.

  Krusty : Whoa, whoa! I didn't ask for your life story.

• Homer : Well, I won't lie. Fatherhood isn't easy like motherhood, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. Except for some mag wheels. Oh, man, that would be sweet.