- Homer Simpson: Okay, boy. This is where all the hard work, sacrifice, and painful scaldings pay off.
- Employee: Four pounds of grease... that comes to... sixty-three cents.
- Homer Simpson: Woo-hoo!
- Bart Simpson: Dad, all that bacon cost twenty-seven dollars.
- Homer Simpson: Yeah, but your mom paid for that!
- Bart Simpson: But doesn't she get her money from you?
- Homer Simpson: And I get my money from grease! What's the problem?
- Homer Simpson: Stop pummeling me, it's really painful!
- Groundskeeper Willie: Fine... I'll strangle ye for a while!
- Alex Whitney: Your name's Lisa? Shut up, I love that name!
- Lisa Simpson: Did she just tell me to shut up?
- Principal Skinner: Take it outside.
- Principal Skinner: [over the intercom] Attention please, I need a volunteer for a thankless chore.
- [Lisa raises her hand]
- Principal Skinner: Shall I assume the only hand in the air is Lisa Simpson? Thank you, Lisa.
- Nelson Muntz: [talking to a group of kids] The thing about huckleberries is, once you've had fresh, you'll never go back to canned.
- [Skinner walks by]
- Nelson Muntz: Uh, um... uh, so anyway, I kicked the guy's ass!
- [Skinner nods and walks off]
- Nelson Muntz: Now, if the berries are too tart, I just dust them with confectioner's sugar.
- Homer Simpson: All right, son. We're about to embark on our most difficult mission. Let's bow our heads in prayer. Dear Lord, I know you're busy, seeing as how you can watch women changing clothes and stuff. But if you help us steal this grease tonight, I promise we'll donate half the profits to charity.
- Bart Simpson: Dad, He's not stupid.
- Homer Simpson: All right, screw it, let's roll!
- Groundskeeper Willie: [indicating his fists] If it was up to me, I'd let you go; but the boys have a temper, and they've been drinking all day.
- Alex Whitney: Calm down, Lisa. DMY.
- Lisa Simpson: DMY?
- Alex Whitney: Don't mess yourself.
- Lisa Simpson: Ew!
- Alex Whitney: See, that's why we changed it to DMY.
- Nelson Muntz: [holds a lump of grease in his hand, ready to throw it] Here comes a greaseball!
- Luigi: [entering from behind] Hey! Luigi bring-a you kids-a free pizza. Why you have to make-a the fun, huh?
- Principal Skinner: Oh, Lisa, I was hoping I could count on you again to spearhead our annual school-wide apple pick.
- Lisa Simpson: Absolutely.
- Alex Whitney: Apple... pick?
- Lisa Simpson: Yeah, it's great! We have pony rides, sing-a-longs, apple bobbing, apple picking, apple everything!
- Principal Skinner: Ah, you forgot apple bobbing.
- Lisa Simpson: No, I didn't!
- Janey: Didn't your old school have apple picks?
- Alex Whitney: No, we weren't big on fruit. We more into, like, dances. You know, things that are fun.
- Bart Simpson: Mom's gonna kill you
- Homer Simpson: If she didn't want her car ruined, she should have done a better job hiding her keys.
- Homer Simpson: [after sneaking into the elementary school] So, is this your school?
- Bart Simpson: It used to be.
- [the air vent starts spreading grease from the ceiling]
- Martin Prince: Look, it's snowing!
- Ralph Wiggum: [after a grease snowflake fell on his tongue] The snowflake tastes like fishstick!
- [Homer and Bart enter Krusty Burger and make for the fryer]
- Krusty Burger Employee: Can I help you, sir?
- Homer Simpson: [excited] My God, you're greasy!
- Krusty Burger Employee: Mr. Maruka? Heeelp!